Sex

Yup, a post about sex. Why? Because when I chance to chat with ex-members who've read I'm (No Longer) a Mormon, it always, always, ALWAYS comes up. (No, that was not a dirty joke.)

Seriously. Always. Like this morning, when I had a phone conversation with a local ex-Mo ("the" word for former members in the ex-LDS community, I'm discovering), we chatted for probably 15 minutes...and then she brought up sex. "I read your book, of course, and you mentioned sex a few times, and I wanted to ask you..."

A few weeks back, I met up with another ex-Mo, and 30 minutes in, we were talking about SEX.

I've had many, many ex-Mos email to let me know that they are reading/finished my book, and fully 50% or more have something to say about sex!

The sexually-related topics range in nature, of course. Thus far I've had candid discussions about (and in no particular order):

• masturbation
• sex abuse
• rape
• single sex
• married sex
• sex positions
• sex toys
• sexual fantasies
• individual sex drives
• sexual experimentation
• three-ways and orgies
• the list goes on.................

Now, clearly I'm no expert, nor am I in any way qualified to offer bedroom advice, but I think I'm just now beginning to understand why so many former members are eager to talk through their sexual fears and/or proclivities: Once you're out of the church, there's a whole new world of sexuality to explore, but since our circle of friends is largely limited to members of our former faith (read: most of the people we know are still active members and not at ALL sexually liberated!), we have NO ONE to consult on these matters so near and dear to our hearts and our reproductive organs!

Not to mention sex therapists are EXPENSIVE, and we know that the issues we'd have to bring to a therapist's table are things that 90% of "normal" people don't need to discuss with a therapist! To keep ourselves from blowing the cash and from feeling like total freaks, we turn instead to each other...but so few ex-Mos get out there and say "Masturbation is normal!" or "Orgasms feel good!" or "It's okay to use sex toys!" that STILL we suffer.

Which brings me back to my book. I very candidly discuss my sexual history, my enjoyment of youthful masturbation, and the sex abuse I (and others I know) have encountered in the church in my book, and I honestly think that, at least when ex-Mos read it, the light bulb comes on. "WHOA! LOOK AT THAT! She's willing to talk about sex...openly! Honestly! Without shame! That's a chick I really need to talk to!"

And I DON'T MIND!!! I confess it was a little odd the first couple of emails to be email-chatting with strangers about masturbation or sex positions, but since they KNOW I'm not a counselor and that any thoughts or advice I share is just my own personal opinion, I've sort of adjusted to it. Hell, it's refreshing to hear that I'm not alone, and that others, too, have struggled to "normalize" their sex lives post-Mormonism.

Because of the number of emails and conversations I've had from ex-Mos about sex, I'm planning to write a few blog entries on the discussion subjects I've covered lately. No, I won't name names, no, I won't discuss anyone's personal situation, but I DO think it's important to post a few entries about some of those points...most especially sex abuse, masturbation, and "keeping it interesting." Look for those over the next few days. In the meantime, feel free to leave an anonymous comment with your thoughts, your woes, and/or your sex-related discussion requests! Always, Regina