Another Boyd Packer Humdinger!

Have you read "To Young Men Only" by Boyd K. Packer? Probably not. Is it worth your time? Again, probably not...unless you need a good dose of amusement mixed with horror.

Howso?

 Much like Kimball's "Miracle of Forgiveness", Packer offers one of the most unbelievable guilt trips I've ever read. It manages to make just about ALL men uncomfortable, and for those who are homosexual or who masturbate, I'm afraid it might provoke suicidal tendencies.

No, really.

Okay, first you have to read it. Click the link above, then come back.

Up to speed? Great. Let's talk over a few of Packer's finer points.

Women are railed on a needing to cultivate the attributes and desires of a good mother, yes, but it turns out, so are the guys! "This physical power...begins to shape and fit you to look, and feel, and to be what you need to be as a father." In other words, your body develops to you can make babies. But what if you don't desire to be a dad? What if you have other plans? You're S.O.L., apparently, just like the ladies. (Of course, you still get a career, but it ALL comes down to becoming a father.)

Next comes the "factory" section. Though he never talks about your testes producing sperm, that's exactly to what he's referring. (Imagine sitting through this talk with your dad, or worse, having your dad hand you a copy!) "Perhaps, one night you will have a dream. In the course of it the release valve that controls the factory will open and release all that is excess."

Read: "We're now going to discuss wet dreams, but we can't call them that, because that would be turning a sacred nocturnal emission of baby-making fluid into something perverse."

But then we get to the masturbation part: "Perhaps he is encouraged...to tamper with that factory. He might fondle himself and tamper with that release valve. This you should not do, for if you do that, the little factory will speed up."

Read: "Don't indulge your erections with release, because they'll just keep popping up demanding you attend to them!"

And the best part: "You can quickly be subjected to a habit, one that is not worthy, one that will leave you feeling depressed and feeling guilty."

There's your self-fulfilling prophecy, people: you're taught that masturbation makes you unworthy, and because it makes you unworthy, it was also leave you depressed and suffering from guilt.  But what if you weren't taught that is makes you evil, and instead discovered it just feels really good? What if you discover - without someone else's influence - that orgasms are highly desirable?

What about feeling good leaves you feeling depressed and guilty if you haven't been told that you're supposed to feel depressed and guilty???

"It does not make you feel worthy or clean."

Really? Because before you made me feel bad for it, I was kind of enjoying it!

Thank GOD he offers us a solution to the problem: "Choose from among the sacred music of the church a favorite hymn...on that makes you feel something akin to inspiration...Make it your emergency channel."

Like the emergency broadcasting system, "Praise to the Man" will drive away those lascivious thoughts...unless, of course, your struggle is with homosexuality. Then "Praise to the Man" might not actually help. Instead of a hymn, then, shoot for prayer and fasting. You know, because if you sufficiently weaken your body via lack of food, you won't have the energy required to beat off...or something like that.

The ending of the masturbation section is my favorite though. In reference to the "procreative power" of ejaculation, Packer says, "If you misuse it, you will be sorry." I rather wish he'd added, "...because I will guilt you to the point of wanting to CHOP OFF YOUR PENIS to make yourself stop," but really, it doesn't need to be said; the threat is implied.

On to gay-dom! The entire first paragraph of this section bears repeating, if only to highlight his homophobia: "Now a warning! I am hesitant to even mention it, for it is not pleasant. [Read: "If you're so inclined, you sicken me."] It must be labeled as a major transgression. ["Akin to coffee drinking and murder."] But I will speak plainly. [No, you won't. You haven't thus far. You've never used the word "masturbation" and you certainly won't say "homosexuality".] There are some circumstances in which young men may be tempted to handle one another, to have contact with one another physically in unusual ways. ["As in, you might be magically drawn to touch each others' penises, and since you're not even allowed to handle your own.........."] Latter-day saint young men are not to do this. ["In this family, we don't indulge in curiosity."] "...Such practices...are perversion. ...[S]uch experiences can misdirect [your] normal desires and pervert [you] not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well."

So, dear gays, you are perverts who gave in to temptation and you've now defiled yourselves not only physically, but emotionally - you'll never be normal again without shock therapy! - and spiritually, meaning you've sided with the devil in dragging souls down to hell, not the least of which is your own. Sorry about those genetics. You should have fought the magical draw to fondle your buddy. Oh, and those genes? Yeah, scientists are pernicious liars in league with the devil...but since we believe that the earth is only 6,000 years old while they preach "millions of years", we already knew they were pernicious liars.

My absolute favorite part, though, is his illustrative story about the missionary whose companion made a pass, and the missionary slugged him. Packer admits that he said, and I quote, "...[T]hanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn't be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way."

WHAT......................THE............................FUCK.

Go ahead, K-O your comp when he confesses his struggle with homosexuality. The GA (he even capitalized his own Holy Title!) would have, but when he can get a Porter Rockwell or a Bill Hickman to do his dirty work for him - like, bash a 20 year-old in the face! - he can walk away delighted by the outcome, but never having had to get his hands dirty. And as for the gay kid? Well, his comp sure showed him! That'll teach him NOT to be GAY! (I can't think of a better way to help someone who struggles with their sexuality than a fist to the jaw, can you?)

Following shortly thereafter, "Many of the world would...be amused by this counsel."

NO, Boyd Packer, I am NOT amused. Sickened, disheartened, full of rage and righteous indignance, yes, but certainly not amused. I don't consider punching out a young man living to a higher standard.

In fact, it all seems rather chicken-shit to me. You keep promising the Lord will be pleased, and these young men will be blessed, and all I see is the laying on of guilt, the denial of God's divine genetics, and a homophobic, sexually-starved old man taking it upon himself to counsel young men in God's name to deny themselves an understanding of the mammalian function of their own bodies...not to mention an added dose of unreasonable expectations meant to supplant, correct, or reinforce an individual's personal desires for their life path.

Quite simply, Boyd, if you outlive Tom Monson and become the next president of the corporation we call a church, I fear for the souls, stability, and sanity of our young people. May God have mercy on your soul.