A Witness and a Warning?

A friend came to me today about a meeting yesterday between her husband and our bishop. (We'll call my friend Addie and her husband Seth for ease of reference, and because she doesn't want her name used lest someone think she was criticizing her leaders.)

See, Seth has been overseas for the last few months with his job, and now he's home. He apparently went in to see the bishop yesterday, to let him know he's home for a while, and to make clear to the bishop that he's available to serve.

That was when the bishop told Seth that it has come to his attention that Addie and I are friends...and then Bishop told Seth that he needed to forbid Addie from spending time with me at all costs, lest I destroy her testimony.

Ooooooooh, where to begin?! There are so many things wrong with that, I almost don't know where to start!

But first I should offer the bishop an out: he has been in a very long time, and he is clearly horribly burned out. Knowing what is involved in being a bishop, I cannot blame him.

That said, our bishop is also a notorious narcissist and a misogynist. He thinks amazingly highly of himself, and has painfully little respect for women.

Oh, and...I intimidate the hell out of him. I'm young, female, attractive, confident, well-educated, opinionated, and I have made it clear in the past that I am not impressed by the blustery, long-winded, self-aggrandizing writings on his want-to-be apologist blog.

Soooooo...let's start with a repeat: the bishop told Seth that Addie and I are friends...and that Seth needed to forbid Addie from spending time with me, lest I destroy her testimony.

Why the bloody hell is bishop interfering in ward members' friendships? Worse, why would he attempt to prevent an apostate from receiving the love and understanding of a good friend? STAY...OUT.

Also...if he's so concerned about Addie, why is he talking to Seth and not Addie? Why not call in Addie and talk to her directly???

Next..................FORBID?! Her husband needs to FORBID her...ANYTHING?! I'm sorry, I didn't realize Seth was Addie's FATHER...or that Addie, now 40-something, had the intellectual and emotional friend-selecting abilities of a 4 year-old. FORBID HER. ................. My butt.

Finally...I'll destroy her testimony? Really? Does he imagine she is so weak-minded that one lunch date with me could send her spiraling straight down into crazy rabid apostasy? Or that I have so much Satanic Power that being in my very presence will turn her? Or maybe that my goal is the deconversion of every Mormon, first in the ward, and then in the world!!! [Insert maniacal witch laugh here.]

Okay, it's true: I wouldn't necessarily object to every Mormon in the world waking up to the truth...or single-handedly exposing the church so that they'd have to come clean to their membership, thereby offering the membership all the facts about the church's history and current finances so that members could make a more informed decision about their beliefs.

But I am certainly not out to hijack anyone's faith. We all have a path, and far be it from me to attempt to sway anyone against their desire to believe.

Additionally, I lack the power to convince anyone of anything. I cannot change someone's mind about their faith, cannot make them believe or make them not believe. That is up to them. They have the freedom to choose, the freedom to study, and the freedom to ignore and apply cognitive dissonance, if they so choose. It really doesn't matter what I say...which is why this blog and my book are not intended for active Mormons. It's intended to be relate-able to former members, and instructive to non-members about the perils of indoctrination.

I can't change anyone. That's up to the person.

I can't change Addie. I don't WANT to change Addie. She's my friend, and I love her as she is...which, right now, is Mormon. I'd also love her if she wasn't Mormon. I just love ADDIE. Great lady.

I do not, however, love our bishop. I haven't been to church in the last 6 months, and do you know how many times he has called, emailed, stopped by, or sent anyone to check on us (other than men to collect fast offerings)?

Exactly NONE. Not ONE. He has never once asked me why I haven't come around, never once talked to me about my testimony, never once checked to see if even my children are okay. NOT...ONCE.

But he HAS advocated that Seth prevent Addie from being my friend. He has shown an utter lack of respect for not one but two women, and proved himself a complete misogynist. He has also shown me exactly how badly I intimidate him.

I wish I could say I was surprised...but I can't. Bishop has made abundantly clear his opinion of me and the degree to which he fears me, and frankly, I'm thrilled that he's stayed away.

Now if I could just get him to stay the hell out of my friendships...