Joseph Smith & Polygamy

You many have noticed how opinionated I am. ....... I just am. And I think I am now fully prepared to express my opinion about Joseph Smith and his polygamous activities. I'm not good with brevity, but in the interest of your sanity, I will try.

I didn't know Joseph Smith had more wives than Emma until I was 33. I'd heard such things from anti-Mormon, Satan-persuaded LIARS, but I KNEW it wasn't actually true.

It's true. And the church said so. Read their essay of lds.org HERE.

It's received national and international media attention, and has upset a whole lot of very sincere Mormon folk, particularly those who were born in the church and are of my generation...the 20-somethings through 50-somethings. Why? Because we didn't know. Seriously.

I could make all sorts of points about spin the church used in the essay, about how and why my generation was deceived by the church, about why some people knew and others didn't, about the differences in reaction betwixt the Mormon Corridor, the rest of the US, and other countries...but it's all be discussed. For me, there are only a few points that really need to be made.

Briefly, the "revelation" on "plural" or "celestial" marriage was for one reason and one reason alone: to raise up seed to the Lord. The girl in question had to be a virgin, and the other wife/wives had to give their consent. Those were the rules as the "Lord" outlined them, right?

Well, then. First, Emma didn't know about many, if not most, of these marriages...and by the end of Joseph's life, had demanded that he forsake his other wives for only her. She did not give her consent. That makes him an asshole. Also, the revelation discussed how if Emma specifically refused her consent, the Lord would destroy her. She outlived Joseph. Either the Lord lied, or Joseph just said that because he wanted the threat to persuade her to allow him to get it on with other ladies. That makes him a total swine.

Second, Joseph married other men's wives, slept with them, and sent them back home to their husbands...except, of course, for the few women whose husbands he sent on missions to get rid of them. That's a douche bag thing to do, of course, but it gets worse. Not all women who marry - even then! - are virgins, and women who have husbands usually consummate their marriages, even if they, like most married folks, don't have daily sex, which means that if they were virgins before the were wed, they weren't went Joseph Smith bedded them. That makes him a lying, Lord-disobeying nymphomaniac, if I'm not mistaken.

Third, many of his wives report that he told him an angel had threatened his life with a flaming sword if he didn't marry them. Now, I know what you're thinking: who am I to doubt angels with flaming swords??? But I've doubted so many other things that this one more can't possibly hurt, which means that Joseph used the story as a sort of less-than-gentle persuasion to bed a multitude of women, and that makes him a ridiculous, narcissistic fabricator.

Fourth, yes, Joseph had sex with most of his wives. Yes. Yes, he did. You can claim he didn't, but then you'd be arguing that he let down god, whose sole purpose in re-instituting polygamy was to raise up the proverbial seed. Was Joseph not sharing his seed? Was he spilling his seed upon the ground, as the scriptures say? (PS: The only time I've ever been thankful for the KJV archaic language was while reading that passage to my kids.) If so, he wasn't raising up seed, and his polygamic practices were unrighteous and worthy of the Lord's condemnation. So either he was boinking underage girls and married women, or he was damning himself.

Mostly importantly, though, women of the period married on average in their early-to-mid-20's. Helen and Lucy, two of Joseph's wives, were 14 and 15, respectively. No, they're not prepubescent girls, which means he's not TECHNICALLY a pedophile, but they are very young pubescent girls, which makes him, instead, a HEBEPHILE. (And an EPHEBOPHILE, too, for that matter: someone attracted to underage, slightly older teens.) But I look at my darling daughter, not yet a teen, and I don't see a particularly big difference between a pedophile and a hebephile, and since very few people have even heard of a hebephile, I'm just gonna call it like I see it: Joseph Smith was a pedophile.

AND a prophet...right? Sorry. Even if I COULD wrap my mind around translating golden plates buried in the woods via a rock in a hat, or old Egyptian copies of the Book of Breathings for Hor translated into the Book of Abraham, or a prophet of god running for president..........I cannot get my mind around an asshole-swine-douche bag-lying-nympho-ridiculous-narcissistic-pedophile prophet.

[In my best Dana Carvey voice: "Not gonna do it."]

Because let's, for just a moment, make polygamy a little more personal: Just like Joseph when he married Helen, my husband is now 37. Unlike Helen, who was 14 when she married Joseph, my kids' favorite babysitter is 15. That's a few months TOO OLD to be Smith's youngest wife...and a couple decades too young to marry my husband. (Incidentally, I went on a date with a 34 year-old when I was 19. It took us 2 hours to realize we had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common...and the date ended shortly after he made crack about how I was only half a dozen years older than HIS ELDEST CHILD.) If I asked my husband if he'd like to be married to - not even have sex with, but just be married to!!! - a 14 year-old, his answer would involve a few unhappy swear words. I should know. I'm an ex-Mormon, which means I've already asked. Take into account our young-but-not-tiny daughter being not too far behind her sitter, and the fact that one HAS SEX with one's wife, and the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You, however, may not have a 37 year-old husband or a 15 year-old sitter, so let's try a different tack: remember that long, warm, welcome-to-the-family hug you probably got from your father-in-law on your wedding day? Imagine for a moment that he is a polygamist, and that as he hugs you, he is simultaneously battling an erection and his own jealousy, wishing he'd gotten to you first.

It is, of course, possible that your father-in-law wasn't present for some reason, or you've never known the man who would've been your father-in-law, so let's go a different direction. Joseph, of course, never made it to age 57, like Lorenzo Snow, who married a 15 year-old at that age. That's a difference of, what, 42 years? Or John Taylor, for that matter, who was 78 when he married a 26 year-old, for a difference of...FIFTY TWO YEARS. Now, Mormons tend to have kids young, and their kids tend to have kids young, and...anyway, say you had a child at 26 (which, by LDS standards, isn't all that young, and happens to be how old I was with my first child), and your child has a child at 26, making you a grandparent at 52. Now imagine your husband's best friend, also 52, shows up for the post-baby-blessing celebration at Grandma and Grandpa's - yes, you and your spouse! - and leers at the tiny little girl in the bassinet, then elbow-bumps your husband and says, "I get dibs." And because of how this polygamous world works, you know that maybe 18 years from now his 70 year-old body will climb on top of the 18 year-old body of your granddaughter and introduce her to the wonderful world of sex...and then see her in a week or so when it's her turn in rotation.

Aah, the joys of celestial marriage.

Look, the bottom line, in my view, is simple: Joseph was a horny, narcissistic hebephile pig, and everything else aside (and I could go on for days about that "everything else"), I cannot give any prophetic credibility to his existence. Them ain't just "imperfections" or "acting as a man"...them's serious, serious mental and psychological issues. And for 200 years, the church has worked tirelessly so that people like me, born into the church, don't discover the demons in Smith's closet.

It's a trust issue. I cannot trust that he was any sort of prophet, and I cannot trust the church to be honest or forthcoming about their own history, because even when they are, they defend a hebephile and spin that history to appear "more transparent", but still manage to cloud the issue and blame  ignorance of Smith's polygamy on their most loyal members.

That's my 2 cents. Please comment with yours! :) 'Gina

My Husband's Journey

My husband has struggled watching me, and then struggled beside me, and though I cannot pretend to know all the thoughts in his head and heart, I read another man's exit story today, and could not shake the feeling that it might've been my husband who'd written it. Like yesterday's letter to potential female missionaries, I absolutely had to share it, for more reasons than I care to explain. So again, without further ado, I give you "The Collapse of My Shelf."

A Witness and a Warning?

A friend came to me today about a meeting yesterday between her husband and our bishop. (We'll call my friend Addie and her husband Seth for ease of reference, and because she doesn't want her name used lest someone think she was criticizing her leaders.)

See, Seth has been overseas for the last few months with his job, and now he's home. He apparently went in to see the bishop yesterday, to let him know he's home for a while, and to make clear to the bishop that he's available to serve.

That was when the bishop told Seth that it has come to his attention that Addie and I are friends...and then Bishop told Seth that he needed to forbid Addie from spending time with me at all costs, lest I destroy her testimony.

Ooooooooh, where to begin?! There are so many things wrong with that, I almost don't know where to start!

But first I should offer the bishop an out: he has been in a very long time, and he is clearly horribly burned out. Knowing what is involved in being a bishop, I cannot blame him.

That said, our bishop is also a notorious narcissist and a misogynist. He thinks amazingly highly of himself, and has painfully little respect for women.

Oh, and...I intimidate the hell out of him. I'm young, female, attractive, confident, well-educated, opinionated, and I have made it clear in the past that I am not impressed by the blustery, long-winded, self-aggrandizing writings on his want-to-be apologist blog.

Soooooo...let's start with a repeat: the bishop told Seth that Addie and I are friends...and that Seth needed to forbid Addie from spending time with me, lest I destroy her testimony.

Why the bloody hell is bishop interfering in ward members' friendships? Worse, why would he attempt to prevent an apostate from receiving the love and understanding of a good friend? STAY...OUT.

Also...if he's so concerned about Addie, why is he talking to Seth and not Addie? Why not call in Addie and talk to her directly???

Next..................FORBID?! Her husband needs to FORBID her...ANYTHING?! I'm sorry, I didn't realize Seth was Addie's FATHER...or that Addie, now 40-something, had the intellectual and emotional friend-selecting abilities of a 4 year-old. FORBID HER. ................. My butt.

Finally...I'll destroy her testimony? Really? Does he imagine she is so weak-minded that one lunch date with me could send her spiraling straight down into crazy rabid apostasy? Or that I have so much Satanic Power that being in my very presence will turn her? Or maybe that my goal is the deconversion of every Mormon, first in the ward, and then in the world!!! [Insert maniacal witch laugh here.]

Okay, it's true: I wouldn't necessarily object to every Mormon in the world waking up to the truth...or single-handedly exposing the church so that they'd have to come clean to their membership, thereby offering the membership all the facts about the church's history and current finances so that members could make a more informed decision about their beliefs.

But I am certainly not out to hijack anyone's faith. We all have a path, and far be it from me to attempt to sway anyone against their desire to believe.

Additionally, I lack the power to convince anyone of anything. I cannot change someone's mind about their faith, cannot make them believe or make them not believe. That is up to them. They have the freedom to choose, the freedom to study, and the freedom to ignore and apply cognitive dissonance, if they so choose. It really doesn't matter what I say...which is why this blog and my book are not intended for active Mormons. It's intended to be relate-able to former members, and instructive to non-members about the perils of indoctrination.

I can't change anyone. That's up to the person.

I can't change Addie. I don't WANT to change Addie. She's my friend, and I love her as she is...which, right now, is Mormon. I'd also love her if she wasn't Mormon. I just love ADDIE. Great lady.

I do not, however, love our bishop. I haven't been to church in the last 6 months, and do you know how many times he has called, emailed, stopped by, or sent anyone to check on us (other than men to collect fast offerings)?

Exactly NONE. Not ONE. He has never once asked me why I haven't come around, never once talked to me about my testimony, never once checked to see if even my children are okay. NOT...ONCE.

But he HAS advocated that Seth prevent Addie from being my friend. He has shown an utter lack of respect for not one but two women, and proved himself a complete misogynist. He has also shown me exactly how badly I intimidate him.

I wish I could say I was surprised...but I can't. Bishop has made abundantly clear his opinion of me and the degree to which he fears me, and frankly, I'm thrilled that he's stayed away.

Now if I could just get him to stay the hell out of my friendships...

Testimony Meeting: Teaching Your Kids to Lie Publicly

I was very, very clear in my book that I have struggled with lying...mostly courtesy of the church and "lying for the Lord," I believe. No wonder: we teach our children to lie at least once a month...and to do it publicly!

What on earth am I talking about?

Testimony meeting.

You see, I've never had a personal witness that the BoM is "true." No whisper from the Spirit, no burning in my bosom (even when I was pregnant and it was ample; that was heartburn!), and no angels in my bedroom. But how many times did I get up during my tenure in the church, head to the podium, and claim sure knowledge of the truth of things that, as it turns out, are not actually true?

How many times did my parents walk me to the podium, whisper in my ear what to say, and then smile warmly while I delivered "my" testimony? WORSE, how many times have I done that with my own children?

Kids are adorable, of course, and seeing them talking about how much they love Jesus into a microphone behind a giant podium is inexpressibly cute. Until you realize how intensely they're being indoctrinated. Then it sort of makes you want to vomit.

The typical child's testimony goes something like this: "I'd like to bear my testimony. I know this church is true, I know that Jesus lives and loves us. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and the Book of Mormon is true. I love my family, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

By this point, the congregation members are oohing and aahing. After the meeting, they congratulate the child on their wonderful testimony, reinforcing lying as good and admirable behavior (because really, how many 4 year-olds "know" the church is true, have ever met Jesus, shook hands with and examined the reputation of Joseph Smith, or have read the BoM?), and then congratulating the child's parents on doing such a great job raising their children to know and express "the truth."

Here, kid! Go up and stand in front of a room full of people and tell them all the things they want to hear, and we'll reward you with an outpouring of love and admiration. Maybe the bishop will even call you into his office and give you candy, like any decent pedophile would. If you tell everyone here what they want you to say, you might come to believe it...and if not, that's okay. Lie until you DO believe it, and let us tell you how awesome you are for lying through your teeth.

I had a YW teacher once tell me that if we weren't morning people, we should try leaping out of bed every morning to greet the day, faking it 'til we make it, and at some point we'd realized we had become morning people. Then she noted that a testimony worked the same way: if you don't have one now, act like you do, live it to the fullest extent, and one day you'll wake up and realize you have a testimony!

The problem, of course, is that I just woke up every morning knowing that I would be lauded for lies, and feeling miserable because God hadn't seen fit to bestow a testimony on me yet.

Talk about messed in the head!

And I've done it to my own sweet children. It sort of makes me want to slit my wrists, and while I'm at it, use that knife to cut through the indoctrination, it's so ruddy thick.

Don't be authentically you. Fake it. Lie.

I cannot possibly express how relieved I am to no longer be a Mormon.