Joseph Smith & Polygamy

You many have noticed how opinionated I am. ....... I just am. And I think I am now fully prepared to express my opinion about Joseph Smith and his polygamous activities. I'm not good with brevity, but in the interest of your sanity, I will try.

I didn't know Joseph Smith had more wives than Emma until I was 33. I'd heard such things from anti-Mormon, Satan-persuaded LIARS, but I KNEW it wasn't actually true.

It's true. And the church said so. Read their essay of lds.org HERE.

It's received national and international media attention, and has upset a whole lot of very sincere Mormon folk, particularly those who were born in the church and are of my generation...the 20-somethings through 50-somethings. Why? Because we didn't know. Seriously.

I could make all sorts of points about spin the church used in the essay, about how and why my generation was deceived by the church, about why some people knew and others didn't, about the differences in reaction betwixt the Mormon Corridor, the rest of the US, and other countries...but it's all be discussed. For me, there are only a few points that really need to be made.

Briefly, the "revelation" on "plural" or "celestial" marriage was for one reason and one reason alone: to raise up seed to the Lord. The girl in question had to be a virgin, and the other wife/wives had to give their consent. Those were the rules as the "Lord" outlined them, right?

Well, then. First, Emma didn't know about many, if not most, of these marriages...and by the end of Joseph's life, had demanded that he forsake his other wives for only her. She did not give her consent. That makes him an asshole. Also, the revelation discussed how if Emma specifically refused her consent, the Lord would destroy her. She outlived Joseph. Either the Lord lied, or Joseph just said that because he wanted the threat to persuade her to allow him to get it on with other ladies. That makes him a total swine.

Second, Joseph married other men's wives, slept with them, and sent them back home to their husbands...except, of course, for the few women whose husbands he sent on missions to get rid of them. That's a douche bag thing to do, of course, but it gets worse. Not all women who marry - even then! - are virgins, and women who have husbands usually consummate their marriages, even if they, like most married folks, don't have daily sex, which means that if they were virgins before the were wed, they weren't went Joseph Smith bedded them. That makes him a lying, Lord-disobeying nymphomaniac, if I'm not mistaken.

Third, many of his wives report that he told him an angel had threatened his life with a flaming sword if he didn't marry them. Now, I know what you're thinking: who am I to doubt angels with flaming swords??? But I've doubted so many other things that this one more can't possibly hurt, which means that Joseph used the story as a sort of less-than-gentle persuasion to bed a multitude of women, and that makes him a ridiculous, narcissistic fabricator.

Fourth, yes, Joseph had sex with most of his wives. Yes. Yes, he did. You can claim he didn't, but then you'd be arguing that he let down god, whose sole purpose in re-instituting polygamy was to raise up the proverbial seed. Was Joseph not sharing his seed? Was he spilling his seed upon the ground, as the scriptures say? (PS: The only time I've ever been thankful for the KJV archaic language was while reading that passage to my kids.) If so, he wasn't raising up seed, and his polygamic practices were unrighteous and worthy of the Lord's condemnation. So either he was boinking underage girls and married women, or he was damning himself.

Mostly importantly, though, women of the period married on average in their early-to-mid-20's. Helen and Lucy, two of Joseph's wives, were 14 and 15, respectively. No, they're not prepubescent girls, which means he's not TECHNICALLY a pedophile, but they are very young pubescent girls, which makes him, instead, a HEBEPHILE. (And an EPHEBOPHILE, too, for that matter: someone attracted to underage, slightly older teens.) But I look at my darling daughter, not yet a teen, and I don't see a particularly big difference between a pedophile and a hebephile, and since very few people have even heard of a hebephile, I'm just gonna call it like I see it: Joseph Smith was a pedophile.

AND a prophet...right? Sorry. Even if I COULD wrap my mind around translating golden plates buried in the woods via a rock in a hat, or old Egyptian copies of the Book of Breathings for Hor translated into the Book of Abraham, or a prophet of god running for president..........I cannot get my mind around an asshole-swine-douche bag-lying-nympho-ridiculous-narcissistic-pedophile prophet.

[In my best Dana Carvey voice: "Not gonna do it."]

Because let's, for just a moment, make polygamy a little more personal: Just like Joseph when he married Helen, my husband is now 37. Unlike Helen, who was 14 when she married Joseph, my kids' favorite babysitter is 15. That's a few months TOO OLD to be Smith's youngest wife...and a couple decades too young to marry my husband. (Incidentally, I went on a date with a 34 year-old when I was 19. It took us 2 hours to realize we had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common...and the date ended shortly after he made crack about how I was only half a dozen years older than HIS ELDEST CHILD.) If I asked my husband if he'd like to be married to - not even have sex with, but just be married to!!! - a 14 year-old, his answer would involve a few unhappy swear words. I should know. I'm an ex-Mormon, which means I've already asked. Take into account our young-but-not-tiny daughter being not too far behind her sitter, and the fact that one HAS SEX with one's wife, and the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT.

You, however, may not have a 37 year-old husband or a 15 year-old sitter, so let's try a different tack: remember that long, warm, welcome-to-the-family hug you probably got from your father-in-law on your wedding day? Imagine for a moment that he is a polygamist, and that as he hugs you, he is simultaneously battling an erection and his own jealousy, wishing he'd gotten to you first.

It is, of course, possible that your father-in-law wasn't present for some reason, or you've never known the man who would've been your father-in-law, so let's go a different direction. Joseph, of course, never made it to age 57, like Lorenzo Snow, who married a 15 year-old at that age. That's a difference of, what, 42 years? Or John Taylor, for that matter, who was 78 when he married a 26 year-old, for a difference of...FIFTY TWO YEARS. Now, Mormons tend to have kids young, and their kids tend to have kids young, and...anyway, say you had a child at 26 (which, by LDS standards, isn't all that young, and happens to be how old I was with my first child), and your child has a child at 26, making you a grandparent at 52. Now imagine your husband's best friend, also 52, shows up for the post-baby-blessing celebration at Grandma and Grandpa's - yes, you and your spouse! - and leers at the tiny little girl in the bassinet, then elbow-bumps your husband and says, "I get dibs." And because of how this polygamous world works, you know that maybe 18 years from now his 70 year-old body will climb on top of the 18 year-old body of your granddaughter and introduce her to the wonderful world of sex...and then see her in a week or so when it's her turn in rotation.

Aah, the joys of celestial marriage.

Look, the bottom line, in my view, is simple: Joseph was a horny, narcissistic hebephile pig, and everything else aside (and I could go on for days about that "everything else"), I cannot give any prophetic credibility to his existence. Them ain't just "imperfections" or "acting as a man"...them's serious, serious mental and psychological issues. And for 200 years, the church has worked tirelessly so that people like me, born into the church, don't discover the demons in Smith's closet.

It's a trust issue. I cannot trust that he was any sort of prophet, and I cannot trust the church to be honest or forthcoming about their own history, because even when they are, they defend a hebephile and spin that history to appear "more transparent", but still manage to cloud the issue and blame  ignorance of Smith's polygamy on their most loyal members.

That's my 2 cents. Please comment with yours! :) 'Gina

Doubt Your Doubts, Not Your Faith

Conference is now officially the worst time of the year for me...and it comes twice. (Thanks for that, Mormons.) I received not one but SIX emails from LDS friends who wanted to let me know they thought of me when they heard Uchtdorf's talk about doubting one's doubts, rather than doubting one's faith.

I've been stewing for two days.

Then today I read this post over at The Church of the Fridge entitled "I Doubt It." It made my day. Perhaps it'll make yours, too.

Enjoy,
Regina

A Letter to Female Missionaries from a Lady RM

I know of a woman named Lori Crandall from an ex-LDS group on facebook who happens to be a smart, gifted, straightforward soul. She recently posted a letter to female missionaries who are about to leave on their missions, and it was so awesome, I HAD to ask her for permission to re-post it. It simply must be shared. (For more about/from Lori, please visit her website here.)

Without further ado, then, I give you Lori's letter to pavement-pounding Sisters. Enjoy. I did.

A word of advice to all new female missionaries preparing to enter the MTC.

As you are just heading out on your mission, I entered the MTC almost the same day back in 1990. I'm now about to turn 44.

I don't think it is possible to understand how Patriarchy hurts women until you actually enter the mission field and you see how the church is run and you see just how little power you really have. You work and work and then have to turn your investigators over to a boy 3 years younger than you to baptize and your investigator is looking at you like you are a weak, weak woman who can't literally work for god on her own. Wait, you'll see.

Then, you'll go to numerous zone meetings where the boys will get up and preside and lead and you will sit quietly with your companion and say nothing.

You will work at least 80 hours a week and still jump when the DL calls and wants you teach one of their female investigators even though you are exhausted, your laundry needs done, you've eaten nothing but pasta all week,...you'll go...because the boys come first and you have to be "selfless". And, when your companion or yourself becomes suicidal because of the lack of any control you have over your life out there...you'll be blamed, not the church, not the program, not the regime.

So, here's my advice and I hope you can here me. Remember this...you are doing all of this for FREE. Either you, or your friends and family are paying for you to be a saleswoman for the Corporation of the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. For the next 18 months, you will attempt to convert people who will pay 10% to the church for a lifetime. You are literally filling the back accounts of the church, while yours is emptying. And when you come back, there is nothing for you. No tuition assistance, no lump sum payment...nothing. But the church could have already made thousands because of your work and hard hard labor.

So, I will tell you what I wish someone would have told me. When you are tired. Don't go out.

When you are sick, go to a doctor, listen to her/him and go back to your flat and don't go out.

If you are mentally exhausted. Stop working and go see the sights and forget the work for the day and just focus on you and re energizing your batteries.

If you are in a flat that is too cold or too hot, or that has mold, or rats, or any infestations...DEMAND to move, immediately. DO NOT JEOPARDIZE your health for this mission.

Remember, if you spent this time in the military, you'd be making serious money, and they would house and feed you well. A mission is opposite, you are being drained and you will feel that in just a few days when your parents drive away and are thinking all is well. It won't be and only you will know that as it's you out there,...not them. Also, if the moment comes where you don't want to be there anymore. If you have given all you can and your soul is on the verge of breaking...don't worry about family, friends or expectations...get home, save yourself and do what you want where you want and pursue your dreams.

Remember, this is voluntary and you are losing money.

I'll tell you the truth, when I got out there...after 2 months I was done. That is a LONG time to give your days and nights for free to any organization. 18 months is extortion...but you'll find that out yourself. Most people stay out because they are afraid of their parents. I was.

Also, when you come home. Move away from your family. Spend time with YOU. Get your own routine back. Do what you love. If you want to be a plumber, go learn to be a plumber. You want to be a cowboy, an electrician...go do that.

If you want to be a parent, don't even think about it until your late 20's. Get your education, get your career stable, get your own place and get some money in the bank and you guard that with your life.

A mission is hard, but coming home with nothing and starting a marriage with nothing and having babies with nothing is harder. Your mother made her choices and you have yours to make. Don't confuse the two.

I mean no disrespect to your mother, but I've been out there pounding the pavement in a foreign country. I know darn good and well what you are up against and no mother who has never experienced that has a right to expect her daughter not to be completely changed by that experience.

Use your instincts. Put yourself first, put your companion second and don't shun her if she just can't go out that day. Help her, comfort her and talk to her and don't guilt her. She's human like you and doing the best she can.

I won't say "good luck" as I know it takes a heck of a lot more than that to survive this.

If you get sick, get checked for worms and parasites. If someplace doesn't feel right...stay away. If you get a companion that you cannot get a long with no matter how hard you try. Refuse to work until you get reassigned. Do not suffer out there any more than you need to. Remember, at the end of this 18 months, you bank account is zero, but the bank account of the church could very well be in the thousands that you'll never see and never benefit from. Keep that in mind.

You are going to have to be strong. The MTC is not the real world. Be as ready as you can. And, if you get hurt and your parents don't want to hear it because of how it would "look", stop talking to them and find someone who will listen to you...it just might save your life.

On a personal note...I never married or had kids because I hated the gender roles in the church. When I came home from my mission my Bishop father forced me to go a singles ward to get married, he gave me no choice and that was it for me. I had just worked my butt of for nothing for the church and I was not going to come home as a 23 year old woman and be disrespected again. I left the church shortly after this. Why? How could true believing Mormon woman leave the church after a lifetime of living it? Because as a woman I was no longer willing to be subject to a man whe I had just worked as hard or harder than them for nothing...and they got the pleasure of baptizing the people I had worked so hard to convert. No, patriarchy and gender roles are not for me.

But...I would never have known that unless I had entered into the pressure cooker that is called a "mission".

Be smart, and save yourself.

Lori

Intermission: I Can't Change Anybody

It's been a busy couple days, and I haven't been able to pick up where I left off on the Mormon sex talk. Sorry about that. More to come.

A quick intermission, though: after a visit with my parents this weekend, and my mother complaining that she didn't want to expose herself to the John Dehlin "Top 5 Myths and Truths" powerpoint presentation because she didn't want to me to try to change how she feels about her faith, I realized something more clearly than it has ever set in before:

I CAN CHANGE NO ONE.

The common argument against "apostates" is that we thrust our views and discoveries onto others to try to change them. True, we are baffled, appalled, and horrified by the truths we encounter, and often eager to share what we've learned, and it would be simply awesome if those we loved listened and were prompted to research the matter to come to the truth themselves, but whatever our motives, the argument is irrelevant.

WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE.

No, seriously. For example, if I tell a faithful, active, true-believing member of the LDS church that Joseph Smith defied the law of polygamy he "received directly from God" by marrying non-virgin already-married women AND without Emma's permission...unless that individual has their own doubts, cognitive dissonance immediately kicks in.

The response isn't "Gee whiz, that fact just made me want to entirely abandon my faith!"

Instead, it's one of a few possible responses:

• "I don't want to hear it."
• "Those are anti-Mormon lies, and you've been deceived."
• "Wow, I'd never heard that! Thanks for sharing. I love you. Now let's change the topic!"
• "That may or may not be true, but it's just not pertinent to my testimony."
• "Joseph was just as fallible as any other guy."

In other words, up that thought goes onto the member's proverbial shelf of "stuff I don't want to think about", and VOILA!, life continues on.

So, no, I'm not trying to de-convert you. Any former member of the church knows that that's just foolishness. Even if we WANT to de-convert you, the only person with the power to manage that feat is YOU. We may make a chink or two in the armor, but if you're a true-believer, even that's not terribly likely.

Why? Because you believe it. Because until you want to take a couple of those horrible truths off the shelf to examine them, until you open yourself up to the possibility that YOU COULD BE WRONG, until you are eager to know the truth no matter the cost, you're going to happily continue on as a Mormon...and there's nothing anyone can do to change it.

Including me.

So even if I WAS trying to "make" Mom change her faith (and I wasn't; I was seeking to be understood), I know full well that that's a fruitless endeavor.

Of course, her fear that her faith could be so easily changed indicates that she realizes there are problems with the church and its doctrines. Her desire to avoid a powerpoint presentation makes it obvious that she likes living in ignorance of the issues others have with the church, its tenets, and its history. And I think there are a LOT of Mormons who turn to response "one" as a result: "I don't want to hear it." (Read: "Let me continue to live in ignorance because I'm so invested in it that I'm terrified of being proved wrong.")

But that's not me. It's her. Because I cannot change her. I lack the power to change anyone.

That power comes from within.

Good luck with your shelves.