How Prophetic

It's been a while. (Hey, I've been busy. This whole "reality" thing is involved!) That said, something occurred to me this morning, and I absolutely HAD to post it...just in case it turns out I'm a prophet!

I've heard for MONTHS now that the lds church will shortly be announcing that civil ceremonies prior to temple ceremonies will not pose the standard "Now you have to wait a year to be sealed" problem with which we in the United States currently struggle. First it was supposed to be announced in the April general conference, then in the October general conference.

It hasn't been announced.

But that doesn't mean it won't yet. There are a host of Mormons who would (almost) kill to have the U.S.-only policy changed. (Note: we've been jealous of our U.K. friends for years, who marry first, and can be sealed thereafter whenever they want.) There has been considerable pressure on the church for the last number of years to change the policy (which policy was not always there), and though the church likely considers it "lowering their standards", they will most likely yet bow to popular pressure.

It wouldn't be the first time.

And of course that pisses off a whole bunch of us, not that they would change their policies, but that we got SCREWED. Of all my family and extended family, I had ONLY MY PARENTS in the sealing room when my husband and I were married. Everyone else was outside. My husband had his parents, one brother and his wife, and an aunt and uncle. That was IT for family that got to witness our union. Yes, it sucked, and yes, we sucked for thinking that that was the way it had to be. (In other words, I'm as bitter with myself as I am with the church, but the amount of disgust and ridicule we'd have had to endure had we made any other choice, combined with the inevitable limiting of our "progression" in the church hierarchy [I'd likely never have been a YW president, and he'd likely never have been either an EQ president or bishopric member!] made us feel like we had no choice in the matter.) But this is not about our personal feelings.

This is about how I believe the church will indeed bow to the people...but spin it to make it look like they are the victim, bowing to the pressure only because they absolutely had to thanks to Satan's control of the nasty United States government. The church, in other words, will play the victim.

What exactly does that look like?

There is considerable political pressure on all states, Utah included, to recognize marriage between homosexuals. The church - and many others - have wrongfully claimed that if homosexual marriage is legal, they will be forced to perform such marriages. This is not true, but it makes Christians sounds persecuted, and Christians love nothing more than feeling persecuted. Mormons have taken a particular shine to feeling persecuted, as evidenced by a handful of instances throughout church history. (That was sarcasm, by the way. It just doesn't translate via blog. There are infinitely more than a handful of instances, of course, but my most favorite recent "we're being persecuted!" moment was the church's recent release of a short film addressing garments and why they're not weird. Riiiiiight.)

And so, as homosexual marriage is legal in more and more states (and will, if people in this country are still possessed of any common decency, become legal across the board), the church leaders in Utah will use the political pressure placed upon them to cry foul, persecution, and destruction of religious freedom. I believe that at some point in the not too far distant future, the church will pull the following:

1. They will give one last desperate plea to the rest of the Christian world for support upholding heterosexual marriage as the one and only, demonstrating how slammed they have been by the media and gay activist groups, and begging for the hand of Christian friendship so that they can be yet more mainstreamed by Christians.
2. They will make a huge showing of having to change their policies because the government is blackmailing them by threatening their tax-exempt status, or because the country has become horribly wicked and the lord told the prophet to separate the church from the practices of the world, or because they (and other faiths!!! See, we're just like you!) are having their religious liberties curtailed so that evil and unnatural practices can be upheld, and... 
3. THEREFORE they will NO LONGER be conducting ANY WEDDING in ANY BUILDING, WHATSOEVER and WHEREVER. All marriages will henceforth be civil marriages, conducted civilly by the empowered individual of your choice.
4. Temples will NO LONGER perform ANY MARRIAGES, but SEALINGS ONLY.
5. In order to be sealed in a temple, individuals MUST FIRST have been married by civil powers.
6. They will stare tragically at the cameras, have their press department spin the dickens out of it, and sit back contentedly when young engaged couples first bemoan the added costs of their weddings, but then revel in the fact that everyone can be present for their vows.
7. The Utah economy will enjoy a slight bump, at least for those in the wedding business, as families now plan civil weddings, receptions (which will still be allowed in church buildings so as not to piss off tithe payers), and after-sealing parties/luncheons/etc.

And there you have it. When the church DOES announce their change in policy - which change has long been planned to mollify the masses - it will be at a politically beneficial juncture so they come out looking not like they bowed to member pressure, but like they are victims of persecution by an unrighteous government...and probably a Democrat-led government, at that.

I do prophesy in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Amen.

Now, let's see just how much better a prophet I am than Tom Monson, shall we?

WHOA, THERE, DALLIN OAKS!

A gent by name of Kyle Pederson wrote to Dallin Oaks re: a general conference talk. Check out their exchange. It's worth your time.

Coming Out of the Closet

Yup, I did it. I came out of the proverbial no-longer-a-Mormon closet...on facebook, of all places. Curious? I thought you might be...but only because I'm nigh unto obsessed with people's "I'm leaving" manifestos. So...enjoy?


Friends,


While it's likely no great surprise to anyone, it is important to my sanity to disclose that I'm leaving the Mormon church. Because I know what this means to members (having been one my whole life!) I apologize for any emotional upset this may cause...though I cannot apologize for leaving.

I realize many will believe they saw it coming; already I have been told that I left "because I'm a pothead," because I have a proclivity for sin (as evidenced by my wigs, shoes, and now my bare shoulders), because I'm lazy in seeking a testimony, because I've been offended by gossip, or because I "think too much." To those people, the truth won't matter, but for those to whom my thoughts and feelings mean something (which I assume is why you're reading this, and consequently, THANK YOU), I would like to explain my struggle.

I was born and raised in the church to convert parents...which actually made being Mormon pretty easy. My dear parents have always respected the individuality of their children and allowed us to be who we were, provided we were good and kind people. I am grateful for how they raised me, and I think I'm much better off than some of my peers as a result.

At almost 8, I hesitated to be baptized because I hadn't felt a spiritual prompting about the "truth" of the church. After much counsel, I did as I was supposed to do, hoping the feeling would come later. At 13, I prayed to know that the BoM was true and get my promised Moroni 10:4 answer...and received no reply. I figured Joseph Smith got his revelation at 14, and should try again then...but we didn't study the BoM in seminary 'til I was 15, so I waited, read, studied, and prayed. No answer. I tried again at 18 and 19 at BYU, (two separate BoM classes) and at 21 and 23 (right before I got temple-married), and hoped my answer would come...but after going through the temple, I still felt no spiritual confirmation. But I kept trying! I served as a YW president, Gospel Essentials teacher, and finally as a Gospel Doctrine teacher for 2 years, hoping that 20 hours/week studying would prove to God that I was ready to receive a testimony. Instead, 2 years of studying brought up serious issues...everything from a sadistic OT God to conflicting NT accounts to additional conflicts in the BoM, D&C, and Pearl of Great Price. So I went to CHURCH LITERATURE to find answers...and what I found caused my doubts to spiral out of control. I had no one to turn to as I watched the entire foundation of my life unravel...and not because "Satan" had gotten to me, but because I was finally willing to seek and find truth instead of confirmation for beliefs I'd been born to.

Trust me when I say it was the SINGLE HARDEST THING I've EVER done. Unless you've been there, you cannot imagine what it is to realize that everything you had ever been taught and ever believed was NOT true, as you'd been assured...and worse, that to give it up meant potentially sacrificing everything and everyone in your life that meant something. My marriage nearly ended, my children would've been caught in the middle, I've already had friends turn away from me (because my ENTIRE social network is LDS), and I've faced the possibility of disappointing extended family to a point of no return...all while trying to figure out what IS true.

See, whether Jesus is the Savior or not, He said something awesome: that the truth would make us free. I sought the truth, yearned for it, and - this is key! - I was willing to follow that truth wherever it led, even if it meant sacrificing everything I held dear.

If you were to ask yourself the same question I asked myself when I began to scrutinize my faith the way I've asked others to scrutinize theirs in the past - Hypothetically speaking, if my religion were not true, would I want to know? - I wonder what your answer would be? It's not as easy as you think. When you're Mormon, it's your entire world, and in my case, all I'd ever known. It would be SO MUCH EASIER to "just believe", considering how much I had invested...but God made me as I am with the brain He's given me, and I couldn't just shelve it and "have faith." But that meant I had to study and learn and be willing to accept things I might not like about my faith.

And there are lots of things. I won't bother with them - if you're devoted, they won't matter, and if you're not, you can find a wealth of them on your own from books on your shelves! - but many really got me down. I was told the feelings of grief and anger I was experiencing were Satan, but that wasn't true; in fact, it's what my therapist (because yes, it's hard enough to leave Mormonism that I need a therapist!) terms "Adjustment Disorder," and being both mad and sad come with the territory.

I was informed the other day that the church is about to "come out" with some glossed-over talks and essays that deal with some of the historical and modern issues those of us leaving tend to have with the church. I confess, I appreciate that; my world might not have unraveled so quickly had I known that Joseph Smith was both polygamous and polyandrous, or that the church had the "translated" pages from the Book of Abraham that actually were simply from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, or exactly what current church finances entail, general authority pay, City Creek Mall and all. I hope those talks help other people continue to live happily Mormon if they choose, and that they help others be more educated about the foundation of their faith so they can make an educated choice about whether or not to stay. After all, you don't know what you don't know. You may think you know everything, but BOY, is it freeing to accept that you don't!!!

Please know that I feel no ill will toward the general membership. Many of the Mormons I know are among the very best people on earth. I may be a bit angry, but not at you guys...it's at the organization, and I CAN and DO separate the two. I don't judge you for believing...but I ask that you do not judge me for leaving. I assure you, pot, wigs, tank tops, coffee, laziness, and a bit of obnoxious (but sometimes justified!) gossip really has nothing to do with it. I only seek the truth, and I cannot find it in the church. It sure would be easier if I could, though!

So what am I looking for? Very few people want to engage in conversation about all this, and I get it, but I'm open to it. I'll try not to vent on FB anymore, but can't totally guarantee it. (Just hide me!)  I don't need any more Ensign articles to read; they're over-simplified and frankly insulting. I also don't need to be convinced, or to have you bear your testimony. I love you, and I appreciate that that shows how much you love and value me, but I'm well-decided. I haven't removed my name from the rolls, and don't currently plan to, but again, I'm done. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame anyone else. This is my choice, and I make it freely. Please leave my parents be. If you know the gospel, you know they're hurting and don't need any reminders that I'm "lost", nor do they need assurances that my free will will be overridden if they endure faithfully to the end. Just love them.

And know that I'm okay. In fact, I'm happy! I know I get angry or sad about all this sometimes, but that's normal. My world was turned upside down, and it's okay for me to struggle with that. The reality is, though, that my life is better and happier and more honest and more free now than it's ever, ever been, and I have the support of a spectacular husband and wonderful children, a loving extended family (on both sides!) who continue to support me, and most of all, I'm being true to truth wherever I find it, including being flexible enough to change my understanding of truth when more or greater truth comes along. I'm learning at the speed of light, and the world seems so infinitely much more beautiful and marvelous and amazing than it ever has. It's like I'm a kid in a candy store, and God, if He/She/It is there, has given me His credit card. ("Hey, check that out! QUANTUM PHYSICS!!! Ooh, and Buddhism! And...and...plant biology!!!")

Love to you all, and if you've stayed with me this long, thank you. I'm good. In fact, I'm GREAT, and I'm happy and in love with my husband and still doing my darnedest for my children, and still a moral, ethical human being with a capacity for love and learning that I've heretofore never known was possible. Life is beautiful. Thank you for being part of mine.


Yup, that's it. That's me. I'm out, I'm done, and I'm relieved. No, I can't imagine what it's like to have to come out of the closet as a homosexual, which must be infinitely harder in many respects, but I imagine it's at least a little bit like coming out as a now-non-member: some will curse you, some will come to your defense, but most just shrug and say "We figured that one out already." In other words, it's QUITE the experience, and I'm glad it's done.

Does this mean I'm going to tell you my real name? No. I'm getting there, true, but I'm still not ready to be ex'd, so I'm holding off for now...but it's coming. I swear, it's coming. Just hang in there with me a little longer. Love to all, Regina