tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53145630421924978172024-03-19T02:32:49.614-07:00I'm (No Longer) A MormonUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-67234861663590246842014-11-21T14:50:00.000-08:002014-11-21T14:50:21.294-08:00Joseph Smith & PolygamyYou many have noticed how opinionated I am. ....... I just am. And I think I am now fully prepared to express my opinion about Joseph Smith and his polygamous activities. I'm not good with brevity, but in the interest of your sanity, I will try.<br />
<br />
I didn't know Joseph Smith had more wives than Emma until I was 33. I'd heard such things from anti-Mormon, Satan-persuaded LIARS, but I KNEW it wasn't actually true.<br />
<br />
It's true. And the church said so. Read their essay of lds.org <a href="https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng" target="_blank">HERE</a>.<br />
<br />
It's received national and international media attention, and has upset a whole lot of very sincere Mormon folk, particularly those who were born in the church and are of my generation...the 20-somethings through 50-somethings. Why? Because we didn't know. Seriously.<br />
<br />
I could make all sorts of points about spin the church used in the essay, about how and why my generation was deceived by the church, about why some people knew and others didn't, about the differences in reaction betwixt the Mormon Corridor, the rest of the US, and other countries...but it's all be discussed. For me, there are only a few points that really need to be made.<br />
<br />
Briefly, the "revelation" on "plural" or "celestial" marriage was for one reason and one reason alone: to raise up seed to the Lord. The girl in question had to be a virgin, and the other wife/wives had to give their consent. Those were the rules as the "Lord" outlined them, right?<br />
<br />
Well, then. First, Emma didn't know about many, if not most, of these marriages...and by the end of Joseph's life, had demanded that he forsake his other wives for only her. She did not give her consent. That makes him an asshole. Also, the revelation discussed how if Emma specifically refused her consent, the Lord would destroy her. She outlived Joseph. Either the Lord lied, or Joseph just said that because he wanted the threat to persuade her to allow him to get it on with other ladies. That makes him a total swine.<br />
<br />
Second, Joseph married other men's wives, slept with them, and sent them back home to their husbands...except, of course, for the few women whose husbands he sent on missions to get rid of them. That's a douche bag thing to do, of course, but it gets worse. Not all women who marry - even then! - are virgins, and women who have husbands usually consummate their marriages, even if they, like most married folks, don't have daily sex, which means that if they were virgins before the were wed, they weren't went Joseph Smith bedded them. That makes him a lying, Lord-disobeying nymphomaniac, if I'm not mistaken.<br />
<br />
Third, many of his wives report that he told him an angel had threatened his life with a flaming sword if he didn't marry them. Now, I know what you're thinking: who am I to doubt angels with flaming swords??? But I've doubted so many other things that this one more can't possibly hurt, which means that Joseph used the story as a sort of less-than-gentle persuasion to bed a multitude of women, and that makes him a ridiculous, narcissistic fabricator.<br />
<br />
Fourth, yes, Joseph had sex with most of his wives. Yes. Yes, he did. You can claim he didn't, but then you'd be arguing that he let down god, whose sole purpose in re-instituting polygamy was to raise up the proverbial seed. Was Joseph not sharing his seed? Was he spilling his seed upon the ground, as the scriptures say? (PS: The only time I've ever been thankful for the KJV archaic language was while reading that passage to my kids.) If so, he wasn't raising up seed, and his polygamic practices were unrighteous and worthy of the Lord's condemnation. So either he was boinking underage girls and married women, or he was damning himself.<br />
<br />
Mostly importantly, though, women of the period married on average in their early-to-mid-20's. Helen and Lucy, two of Joseph's wives, were 14 and 15, respectively. No, they're not prepubescent girls, which means he's not TECHNICALLY a pedophile, but they are very young pubescent girls, which makes him, instead, a HEBEPHILE. (And an EPHEBOPHILE, too, for that matter: someone attracted to underage, slightly older teens.) But I look at my darling daughter, not yet a teen, and I don't see a particularly big difference between a pedophile and a hebephile, and since very few people have even heard of a hebephile, I'm just gonna call it like I see it: Joseph Smith was a pedophile.<br />
<br />
AND a prophet...right? Sorry. Even if I COULD wrap my mind around translating golden plates buried in the woods via a rock in a hat, or old Egyptian copies of the Book of Breathings for Hor translated into the Book of Abraham, or a prophet of god running for president..........I cannot get my mind around an asshole-swine-douche bag-lying-nympho-ridiculous-narcissistic-pedophile prophet.<br />
<br />
[In my best Dana Carvey voice: "Not gonna do it."]<br />
<br />
Because let's, for just a moment, make polygamy a little more personal: Just like Joseph when he married Helen, my husband is now 37. Unlike Helen, who was 14 when she married Joseph, my kids' favorite babysitter is 15. That's a few months TOO OLD to be Smith's youngest wife...and a couple decades too young to marry my husband. (Incidentally, I went on a date with a 34 year-old when I was 19. It took us 2 hours to realize we had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in common...and the date ended shortly after he made crack about how I was only half a dozen years older than HIS ELDEST CHILD.) If I asked my husband if he'd like to be married to - not even have sex with, but just be married to!!! - a 14 year-old, his answer would involve a few unhappy swear words. I should know. I'm an ex-Mormon, which means I've already asked. Take into account our young-but-not-tiny daughter being not too far behind her sitter, and the fact that one HAS SEX with one's wife, and the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT.<br />
<br />
You, however, may not have a 37 year-old husband or a 15 year-old sitter, so let's try a different tack: remember that long, warm, welcome-to-the-family hug you probably got from your father-in-law on your wedding day? Imagine for a moment that he is a polygamist, and that as he hugs you, he is simultaneously battling an erection and his own jealousy, wishing he'd gotten to you first.<br />
<br />
It is, of course, possible that your father-in-law wasn't present for some reason, or you've never known the man who would've been your father-in-law, so let's go a different direction. Joseph, of course, never made it to age 57, like Lorenzo Snow, who married a 15 year-old at that age. That's a difference of, what, 42 years? Or John Taylor, for that matter, who was 78 when he married a 26 year-old, for a difference of...FIFTY TWO YEARS. Now, Mormons tend to have kids young, and their kids tend to have kids young, and...anyway, say you had a child at 26 (which, by LDS standards, isn't all that young, and happens to be how old I was with my first child), and your child has a child at 26, making you a grandparent at 52. Now imagine your husband's best friend, also 52, shows up for the post-baby-blessing celebration at Grandma and Grandpa's - yes, you and your spouse! - and leers at the tiny little girl in the bassinet, then elbow-bumps your husband and says, "I get dibs." And because of how this polygamous world works, you know that maybe 18 years from now his 70 year-old body will climb on top of the 18 year-old body of your granddaughter and introduce her to the wonderful world of sex...and then see her in a week or so when it's her turn in rotation.<br />
<br />
Aah, the joys of celestial marriage.<br />
<br />
Look, the bottom line, in my view, is simple: Joseph was a horny, narcissistic hebephile pig, and everything else aside (and I could go on for days about that "everything else"), I cannot give any prophetic credibility to his existence. Them ain't just "imperfections" or "acting as a man"...them's serious, serious mental and psychological issues. And for 200 years, the church has worked tirelessly so that people like me, born into the church, don't discover the demons in Smith's closet.<br />
<br />
It's a trust issue. I cannot trust that he was any sort of prophet, and I cannot trust the church to be honest or forthcoming about their own history, because even when they are, they defend a hebephile and spin that history to appear "more transparent", but still manage to cloud the issue and blame ignorance of Smith's polygamy on their most loyal members.<br />
<br />
That's my 2 cents. Please comment with yours! :) 'GinaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-86467880909172336842014-11-17T08:25:00.000-08:002014-11-17T08:25:55.228-08:00How PropheticIt's been a while. (Hey, I've been busy. This whole "reality" thing is involved!) That said, something occurred to me this morning, and I absolutely HAD to post it...just in case it turns out I'm a prophet!<br />
<br />
I've heard for MONTHS now that the lds church will shortly be announcing that civil ceremonies prior to temple ceremonies will not pose the standard "Now you have to wait a year to be sealed" problem with which we in the United States currently struggle. First it was supposed to be announced in the April general conference, then in the October general conference.<br />
<br />
It hasn't been announced.<br />
<br />
But that doesn't mean it won't yet. There are a host of Mormons who would (almost) kill to have the U.S.-only policy changed. (Note: we've been jealous of our U.K. friends for years, who marry first, and can be sealed thereafter whenever they want.) There has been considerable pressure on the church for the last number of years to change the policy (which policy was not always there), and though the church likely considers it "lowering their standards", they will most likely yet bow to popular pressure.<br />
<br />
It wouldn't be the first time.<br />
<br />
And of course that pisses off a whole bunch of us, not that they would change their policies, but that we got SCREWED. Of all my family and extended family, I had ONLY MY PARENTS in the sealing room when my husband and I were married. Everyone else was outside. My husband had his parents, one brother and his wife, and an aunt and uncle. That was IT for family that got to witness our union. Yes, it sucked, and yes, we sucked for thinking that that was the way it had to be. (In other words, I'm as bitter with myself as I am with the church, but the amount of disgust and ridicule we'd have had to endure had we made any other choice, combined with the inevitable limiting of our "progression" in the church hierarchy [I'd likely never have been a YW president, and he'd likely never have been either an EQ president or bishopric member!] made us feel like we had no choice in the matter.) But this is not about our personal feelings.<br />
<br />
This is about how I believe the church will indeed bow to the people...but spin it to make it look like they are the victim, bowing to the pressure only because they absolutely had to thanks to Satan's control of the nasty United States government. The church, in other words, will play the victim.<br />
<br />
What exactly does that look like?<br />
<br />
There is considerable political pressure on all states, Utah included, to recognize marriage between homosexuals. The church - and many others - have wrongfully claimed that if homosexual marriage is legal, they will be forced to perform such marriages. This is not true, but it makes Christians sounds persecuted, and Christians love nothing more than feeling persecuted. Mormons have taken a particular shine to feeling persecuted, as evidenced by a handful of instances throughout church history. (That was sarcasm, by the way. It just doesn't translate via blog. There are infinitely more than a handful of instances, of course, but my most favorite recent "we're being persecuted!" moment was the church's recent release of a short film addressing garments and why they're not weird. Riiiiiight.)<br />
<br />
And so, as homosexual marriage is legal in more and more states (and will, if people in this country are still possessed of any common decency, become legal across the board), the church leaders in Utah will use the political pressure placed upon them to cry foul, persecution, and destruction of religious freedom. I believe that at some point in the not too far distant future, the church will pull the following:<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>They will give one last desperate plea to the rest of the Christian world for support upholding heterosexual marriage as the one and only, demonstrating how slammed they have been by the media and gay activist groups, and begging for the hand of Christian friendship so that they can be yet more mainstreamed by Christians.</li>
<li>They will make a huge showing of having to change their policies because the government is blackmailing them by threatening their tax-exempt status, or because the country has become horribly wicked and the lord told the prophet to separate the church from the practices of the world, or because they (and other faiths!!! See, we're just like you!) are having their religious liberties curtailed so that evil and unnatural practices can be upheld, and... </li>
<li>THEREFORE they will NO LONGER be conducting ANY WEDDING in ANY BUILDING, WHATSOEVER and WHEREVER. All marriages will henceforth be civil marriages, conducted civilly by the empowered individual of your choice.</li>
<li>Temples will NO LONGER perform ANY MARRIAGES, but SEALINGS ONLY.</li>
<li>In order to be sealed in a temple, individuals MUST FIRST have been married by civil powers.</li>
<li>They will stare tragically at the cameras, have their press department spin the dickens out of it, and sit back contentedly when young engaged couples first bemoan the added costs of their weddings, but then revel in the fact that everyone can be present for their vows.</li>
<li>The Utah economy will enjoy a slight bump, at least for those in the wedding business, as families now plan civil weddings, receptions (which will still be allowed in church buildings so as not to piss off tithe payers), and after-sealing parties/luncheons/etc.</li>
</ol>
And there you have it. When the church DOES announce their change in policy - which change has long been planned to mollify the masses - it will be at a politically beneficial juncture so they come out looking not like they bowed to member pressure, but like they are victims of persecution by an unrighteous government...and probably a Democrat-led government, at that.<br />
<br />
I do prophesy in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, Amen.<br />
<br />
Now, let's see just how much better a prophet I am than Tom Monson, shall we?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-13898344967912475272014-01-29T15:15:00.002-08:002014-01-29T15:17:45.009-08:00I'm (Officially) an Ex-Mormon, by Regina Samuelson...Coming Soon!Hello, all! I've been away for a while now, primarily because I'm hard at work on a follow-up to <u>I'm (No Longer) a Mormon</u>, tentatively entitled <u>I'm (Officially) a Ex-Mormon</u>! I just finished a section in it last night that references a much-discussed illustration done by my husband, mentioned back in book 1, and I wanted to share it with all of you.<br />
<br />
Please keep in mind, this was done during sacrament meeting nearly 3 years ago...when we were BOTH True-Believing Mormons. It's very telling: even then we were thinking. REALLY thinking.<br />
<br />
Enjoy, and please be on the lookout for periodic announcements related to book 2!<br />
<br />
Much love,<br />
Regina<br />
<br />
PS: You'll probably have to click on it to see it properly, and you will also likely note the typed text behind the list on the left. This was done on the back of an old lesson handout! :) <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTm-U8Dvdk0ULOi8P8rKeJus6fsM1MQbqljbB5VBXznFYOJw-VZuV1u57TnN8WmlMPw7ZdAo-VkS5BH5zq33Y69tuAT5VvHxsgTjHnvoOL2-aj6Bs0PvA9uLnvWJMo_vWytPs_kBNb1oQ/s1600/workandglory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTm-U8Dvdk0ULOi8P8rKeJus6fsM1MQbqljbB5VBXznFYOJw-VZuV1u57TnN8WmlMPw7ZdAo-VkS5BH5zq33Y69tuAT5VvHxsgTjHnvoOL2-aj6Bs0PvA9uLnvWJMo_vWytPs_kBNb1oQ/s1600/workandglory.jpg" height="478" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-90224121943847694842013-11-05T08:23:00.003-08:002013-11-05T08:23:58.348-08:00Mormon Jargon<a href="http://www.wheatandtares.org/12866/mormon-jargon/" target="_blank">Found this this morning</a>, and I almost died laughing. Enjoy!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-82921339594166028402013-10-31T06:40:00.000-07:002013-10-31T06:40:00.431-07:00More from Mr. BirrellMan, I love this guy. Yes, he'll wax a little philosophic (and a little poetic), but this spoke to my soul, and I wanted to share. Happy Halloween with something COMPLETELY unrelated! ;)<br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[0]">There
is an evolution to pecking out of the egg and coming into the light.
Imagine the effect on the chick of having something happen that it can
hardly comprehend, as cracks in the shell become avenues for the first
experience of new light to begin to</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[0]">
impose itself upon the old darkness the chick never knew was darkness
until experiencing more....it did not know what it did not know; how
could it? </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[1]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[2]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[3]">Then
the pieces slowly fell away, and something strange--a new light--now
blinded the chick, yet still it pecked until it could escape that which
now is impossible to contain itself, and yet was also so indispensable
to developing itself. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[4]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[5]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[6]">Why
would the chick, then, curse the shell or shadow that may have held it
captive, and necessarily so until that bright day when it was strong
enough to escape the shell, dry in the sun, spread its wings, and in the
new light consider itself and say.....so, this is me; this is who I am!
</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[7]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[8]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[9]">Be
kind to the darkness then that was your embryonic phase to the person
you are now, and would not give up being today; it's OK that we all
cursed the darkness at times that held us in until we were ready, like
that marvelous scene at the end of the movie--Gravity--to kick off the
very suit that felt weightless and saved us in one moment of our lives,
and became heavy and would have drown us in another. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[10]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[12]">In
the moment of frustration, while holding her breath, Sandra Bullock's
character surely cursed that heavy space suit under water that moments
earlier had saved her life in space. And so it is with the journey of
life, when one comes to know the earth for the first time...and old
skins must be kicked off to survive the rapid change in the landscape of
our lives. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[13]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[14]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[15]">And
like her character uttered, as she grabbed a hand full of earth as if
feeling it for the first time--as if feeling really, fully alive for the
first time, the only sentiment left to say; a simple but
says-it-all....thank you! I got through all that alive, somehow. All
that came apart in my orbit and threatened me could not, in the end,
destroy me. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[16]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[17]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[18]">I
am OK. Maybe I am not sure where I am in the sometimes disoriented here
or now of adjustment and change, but I am not alone! Neither am I
unchanged. Neither would I go back into that space again---nor can I,
given that the same shrapnel that brought me out remain in that orbit.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[19]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[20]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[21]">And
all of this is reason for joy! And no one, no one....will ever
understand the journey that got you there or out of there, or the
courage it took you to survive that coming apart--borrowing again from
the movie Gravity, and the falling to earth that freed you to be OK in a
whole new way, landing in an unfamiliar place, and in tact as a much
preferred you! </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[22]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[23]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[24]">So
you broke the Mormon gravity; get your legs under you now and walk with
head high, heart full, for both the embryonic confinement of the Mormon
experience, and for the personal confidence it took to break free of
its gravitational pull....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[25]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[26]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[27]">There
is no need to curse the old, any more than the chick needs to curse the
shell or the darkness it knew in that place, or the astronaut the
factors that forced an unexpected path change from orbiting earth to
knowing earth in ways you could not have known, otherwise. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[28]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[29]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[30]">And
yes, like in the movie, there are loses along the way, but even those
were part of what got you to here when you needed them to be just who
they were to keep you moving forward. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[31]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[32]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[33]">Even
the darkest echoes from those still in the shell, and who have yet to
know that light--let alone that they walk in darkness at noon
day--deserve not our cursing, but rather call forth our deepest kindness
for what they have yet to experience, until some strange force may
begin to act on them--perhaps the shrapnel coming at them from things in
their own lives coming apart (as in the movie, given that the actors
did not create the problem in the script but were none the less affected
by it), and they instinctively begin pecking.....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[34]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[35]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[36]">And
cannot stop.....they just cannot stop.....(you know that feeling)...and
the new light blinds them, and they initially curse those who brought
them to the light (or the light to them)--like someone waking a sleeping
man on a dark morning with a bright room light...</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[37]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[38]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[39]">In that moment they may exclaim--turn off the light, you are blinding me.....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[40]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[41]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[42]">...from their anger, while covering their eyes, being more comfortable with the darkness they know as light....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[43]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[44]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[45]">...before one is ready to begin their awakening!</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[45]">[Editorial note: If you've not seen Gravity yet...leave off RIGHT NOW and go see it!]</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714678048562185}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[45]"> </span></span></span></span></span><br /><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[3]">Where we threaten the Church is that our wisdom poi</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[0]">nts
to people in exile being OK in their humanity and divinity, rather than
making all that conditioned upon allegiance to external authority and
upon a God that is not as accessible as he is perceptual or theoretical
in the faith narrative. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[1]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[2]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[3]">God
is not a narrative; God is an inner experience that, if transposed to
narrative, becomes lost in human limitations of thought and word....God
is lost to a world that seeks to name God, rather than just experience
it--the God, that is, that lives within, however you explain the God
narrative to yourself.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[4]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[5]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[6]">I
am always pleased when my friends who have journeyed beyond the walls
of Mormonism discover that they are still OK, that there is meaningful
life beyond the wall, and that they do not encounter an offended God who
whips them with trials until they retreat again behind the wall for
institutional forgiveness and personal refuge from his eternal rage. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[7]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[8]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[9]">After
all, do not the Gods--as explained by their own inventions--invent
humans to meet their needs to be eternally adored and absolutely obeyed?
</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[10]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[12]">How
little humans change, only how they tell the stories and mythologies of
their lives to themselves....of which their perceptual gods are a
part....and, truly, a necessary and beneficial part, when well
played....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[13]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[14]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[15]">The
gods of men are so like that, because men are like that; the only god
that can be known by any man is the god he is; thus, god is but a
self-perception and projection, except to the one who is convinced of
the thoughts of his own mind, and whose mind rules over him because he
refuses to examine those thoughts, or empty himself of thoughts about
God, so that a better God might meet him in an open inner landscape of
possibility!</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[16]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[17]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[18]">Man
believes the god he has because he believes in the god he is. To the
loving, god/reality is experienced and explained in loving ways; their
imaginations of God have been captured by grace and love, and they speak
of life and God in such adoring and supporting terms. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[19]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[20]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[21]">To
the legalistic, god/reality is experienced and explained in those
terms; assigned rituals, sacraments, ordinances, and obediences become
evidences of God's love for us, and our devotion is reciprocated by
attending to such things with something named perfection. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[22]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[23]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[24]">To
the authoritarian, god/reality is absolute power; absolute love is
surrendered to (and often confused with) absolute human authority; human
authority is the institutional God, incarnate--whether by mine own
voice or the voice of my servants, it is the same; and servants sitting
in seats of power and judgment come to believe their own voice as the
same; think church courts, and how these disciplinary courts are named
"love" by those who conduct them. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[25]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[26]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[27]">From
that power place of taking oneself so seriously/sincerely, men who lead
from authority still practice the blood atonement in theory, when they
encounter the wicked and wish for their punishment--be they of the wrong
sexual orientation, religion, expression, or persuasion, or
inclination.....there is always a way for the right(eous)to make the
sinner wrong, and exile them when they fall short, as all sinners do!</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[28]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[29]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[30]">Don't
ask these types to love you unconditionally; they are too busy
numbering the hairs that fall from your head, and finding some way to
assess all that through some right(eous) precept within their
hyper-vigilant minds, as god's self-appointed watchmen and defenders,
and such....they are, as I have experienced, the least teachable,
because they are too busy measuring where everyone else is (or isn't)
right, based on the high standards they know; based on the high standard
they think they are; based on their own unquestioned sense of
rightness.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[31]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[32]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[33]">The
only god we know, then, is the god we are.....if there be an ultimate
and infinite presence called God, it would be incomprehensible to the
human mind, and a terrible antagonist to the very human-will it created
to become, as the Mormon scripture says, its very enemy (the natural man
being an enemy to the very God who created that nature). God, I
suppose, needed a lover and an enemy in us; how erratic and erotic is
such a narrative of God! </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[34]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[35]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[36]">And so it seems, as the saying goes, God created man in his image, and then man returned the favor! </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[37]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[38]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[39]">Our
natures, being God's named enemy, is a frightful construct; you have no
power against the all powerful. Even worse, God created an invisible
enemy who he cast below to torment us, in order to prove us....because
he does not have all the facts. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[40]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[41]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[42]">He
can only send the rats to the lab and see how they perform when faced
with a human nature he both created and despises, and an enemy he
apparently advises (think Job), and all within a saving plan that
minimizes the god experience to such mantras as: pay, pray, and obey,
rather than trust, love, and seek--as a means of individual expansion,
rather than institutional domination. In short, the God experience can
never be more than an evolving personal narrative. Some tell that
narrative within the framework of a relationship with an institutional
church it confuses as God, while others must tell that narrative from a
greater distance. Either way, it's all narrative; it's all personal;
it's all OK.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[43]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[44]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[45]">The
wisdom of healing, and of giving other people permission to be OK being
them from this place of exile, is that as they make the exodus, they
need not look back and turn to salt. In other words, they need to stop
looking at TBMs to make them OK, to give them permission to be OK being
them as they exile. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[46]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[47]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[48]">As
I stated in this post, there is no TBM who has any way to be OK with
the exile of a loved one they had hoped and struggled to prepare for an
eternal glory with. Stop asking TBMs to make it OK for you to be you in
exile. You ask too much of their mindsets, and you ask for what simply
cannot be--unless you are fortunate enough to be loved without
conditions by the TBMs in your life--either way, then, you do not need
permission to be OK being you in exile from TBMs, for either you already
have that permission because they are TBMs who actually can love
radically, or you won't ever get it, because they have no way to love
that big--because their god and salvation are just too limited.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[49]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[50]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[51]">It
is more important to you, now and always, that you love you that BIG.
That is your job. That is your job alone, to make certain you are
well-loved within. Please know that your journey is not about gaining
approval from others, but knowing in ways other cannot access, the
greater wisdom that whispers outside the temple walls as well as within,
that it is still well with my soul....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[52]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[53]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[54]">No
one, no one has your inner spiritual GPS system, because they are not
called--if you will--to walk your perfect path in life! They can only
project their own "true" onto your path and search. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[55]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[56]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[57]">Oh
what we can teach our TBMs if we can be the love to them we so often
desire--and even demand--from them. Stop asking people to love you for
who you are now; you don't have that right to demand that they love you
at all, let alone love you any certain way. Love is always a gift. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[58]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[59]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[60]">So
just presence to them a God, spirit, grace, love, whatever language you
use, so profound that in time they willingly confront their limited
ways of knowing and experiencing. They may have no way to comprehend how
any of us could be OK outside the wall. They have no framework from
this place of possibility and accessibility to the God we are and know
now!</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714825675214089}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[60]"> </span></span></span></span></span><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][2]"></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[0]">Just
a PS. I actually believe it is the emptying out of the theistic mind,
or as faiths call it--to be as a child or the beginner's mind--that is
the beginning of experiencing the "surprise" of God, or this idea of God
as radical inner experience, not </span></span><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[0]">outer theological explanation. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[1]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[2]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[3]">From
deep within metaphor, symbolism, and parable, we find within our
perceptual language through which the notion of the Divine and Eternal
speak to us. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[4]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[5]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[6]">It
is like the beautiful symbolism and metaphor of Peter walking on the
waves with Christ. Imagine what it took to let go, metaphorically
speaking, and trust the inner faith necessary to walk on water, knowing
full well the impossibility of such a thing. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[7]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[8]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[9]">Juxtapose
that with the boat, in which his fellows both rode and trusted. Such
different paths of faith, those are; religion is the boat, while
something that allows us to walk on water is a different experience of
the inner God that we are. And you cannot access the faith to walk on
water if your faith is in boats!</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[10]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[12]">Once
accessed, once one realizes the faith to walk away from the boat,
because they can, and because doing so brings them to the God of the
impossible or the radical inner spiritual life, then what is to become
of boat/religion? One becomes an (and in) exile, their relationship with
the boat that brought them now forever changed....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[13]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[14]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[15]">The
radical experience of God, cannot be known in the possible; it is the
impossible God who comes to introduce those emptied out and ready to
meet God on God's terms. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[16]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[17]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[18]">The
rest are theists, awaiting their salvation on man's terms. They are the
boat riders who trust in boats; the rest are water walkers who let go
of boats and walk away.... </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[19]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[20]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[21]">And in the acts of climbing out and letting go, water walkers must unavoidably become boat rockers!</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714959595200697}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[21]"> </span></span></span></span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[0]">My
imperfections are part of the perfection all things are; I am perfectly
experiencing the illusion of imperfection--and it is only an illusion;
things are as they are--that is reality. To argue against reality is
always a painfu</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[0]">l experience.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[1]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[2]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[3]">Reality,
then, is but imperfection in perfect order of perfection. It is what it
is; without judging an experience or thing, it becomes, therefore,
nothing to judge or be bothered by, or in other words,
nothing--nothingness....and nothingness is perfection in fullness!
Nothingness is openness.</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[4]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[5]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[6]">Nothingness
as openness creates space for gratefulness....or the joy of living
without all the illusions or stories that run like TV reruns over and
over in our minds, until we see that, they, too, are nothing....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[7]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[8]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[9]">Sonia, what is spirituality, then, if not another name for reality?</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[10]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[11]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[12]">What
if you looked at the notion of experiencing spirituality as a way of
thinking about reality, including, therefore, any notion of what we
might experience (and name) as God? </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[13]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[14]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[15]">What
if God is merely a name given to describe the indescribable, or an
attempt by finite human minds to grapple with the idea that something
has to be larger than itself? Otherwise, it might have to confess itself
as God; and in the very act of determining there must be something
larger than itself, it is being that larger-than-self God. God cannot,
therefore, be known apart from the mind and body. We are the God we
know; the rest is imagination, and that, too is of the mind. There is
not reality outside our minds; there is no God outside our thoughts of
God. God, then, is also nothingness, and from that place of nothingness
comes possibility; God, then, is nothing and everything! </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[16]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[17]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[18]">What
if God means something beyond the evolving historical arguments of
theists, originally formed from once indescribable inner experiences
(Saul becoming Paul after unexpectedly experiencing Jesus on the road to
Damascus), now distilled into empty (of transforming power) theologies
by rote theologians--stuck in the arrogance (and identity) of certainty,
whose theologies over time should empty mature believers out of
belief--as these theological propositions/dogmas collapse in on
themselves, as all dogmas eventually do (how many Mormon doctrines have
changed over time that were God's only and unchanging truth at the time
they were defined as such--blood atonement, Blacks and priesthood,
polygamy etc.).</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[19]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[20]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[21]">What
a gift eventual doubt and (hopefully) inevitable unbelief become, then,
if they empty us out of the human forms of explaining God. The emptying
is only opening us wide to the gentle and transformational, mystical
and magical forms of experiencing God--radical and unimaginable
experiences we are now open to, and which captivate us and steal away
our breath, while filling us with endless wonder in terms that cannot be
explained, only experienced. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[22]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[23]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[24]">I
experienced this today while sitting at Starbucks. I was caught up in
the magic of escaping my mind and just being with the most eclectic
group of people who all came in together. One sat with me and shared who
they were: a support group for recovering addicts. With no mind to
judge them, but just an openness to experience them, I sat captivated by
their diversity, astonishing diversity that screamed unbelievable
beauty to me. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[25]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[26]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[27]">My
God, they were so beautiful. I nearly cried, as I looked at these
people in their different forms and faces, genders and graciousness. I
was overcome by the splendid energy, different personalities, and
beautiful ways in which each one was perfect at being just what they
are--themselves! </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[28]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[29]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[30]">That
was a holy moment for me, because I recognized myself in all of them; I
was in oneness with the entire scene--and that oneness....became
wholeness....which was experienced as holiness....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[31]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[32]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[33]">It
was God I was experiencing, or the perfection of all that was happening
around me (God being all things in oneness), as I just observed from
that inner still and gentle place of love and joy, and it consumed me
with gratitude, as I spoke my encouragement and praise for all that
these people had experienced and overcome in their tribe of support. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[34]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[35]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[36]">I
may have surrendered my former religious mindsets, but I never
sacrificed my spiritual sensitivities or deep desires.....oh no, they
burn even hotter in me now for others....for closeness...for
oneness....with all that is..... </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[37]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[38]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[39]">And
so it is, we need tribes of support. Religion provides that in many
ways; exile too often isolates us from one another--so I am glad the
exiles gather here. For even the Zebra are wise enough to graze in
tribal patterns that make it impossible for the lion to distinguish one
from another. And when the bush fire rages they ban together and run
into the fire, together. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[40]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[41]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[42]">Yes,
some are scarred, but all survive, because they run through the
fire--as one, not away from it; they gather and not scatter when the
fire rages. So it is in life; the fire that devoured our past faith was
necessary for us to experience the new undergrowth; new wine cannot be
poured into old bottles. So I say to exiles, come...graze with
me....come...run with me....come....know the me you are! Come, dance
with my soul....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[43]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[44]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[45]">Such is the spiritual community of oneness, and it has nothing to do with theism, but pragmatism--and instinct. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[46]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[47]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[48]">What
if nature is our true scripture, our true order of knowing and
teaching? What if man posits his theories, but nature teaches us how to
be. If we could empty out of explanations, oh what we would be open to
experience....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[49]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[50]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[51]">And
that to me explains reality; and from that place, reality is a
spiritual experience! And that definition works to keep me out of pain
and into joy. Why leave Mormonism from pain, and then stay in that pain?
Heal, fellow exiles....</span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[52]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[53]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[54]">A
life once defined by Mormonism is still defined that way, when our
minds cannot escape our war with it....no matter how long we have been
apart from it! </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[55]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[56]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[57]">And
that disrupted mind, too--as I see it--is also in the service of the
spirituality of reality! For in time the troubled thinker will see that
it is the story they have told themselves about Mormonism they are
fighting, not Mormonism. Mormonism is just what it is. Either it works
for you or it doesn't; either you'll stay or you'll go, or some
variation of both. </span><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[58]" /><br data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[59]" /><span data-reactid=".r[58krw].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_715089588521031}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[60]">Either
(or any) way Mormonism, too, is nothing when no longer judged! Then
gratitude can replace the suffering....and life can move beyond that
former school to new possibilities and introduce us to new teachers!
What is more spiritual than that reality?</span></span></span></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-48438399482788380982013-10-30T07:03:00.000-07:002013-10-30T07:03:00.226-07:00The Bishop ***Trigger Warning***<a href="http://thesirenssongblog.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/the-bishop-trigger-warning/" target="_blank">Read this post yesterday</a>, but it has stayed with me. No, this is not the norm, of course, but there is a now-ex'd bishop in our stake that is currently in jail for molesting a few of the young women in his ward, and I think this needs to be addressed openly and regularly until the church adopts additional fail-safes.<br />
<br />
There are LOTS of things that need to be addressed openly and regularly, of course, but the psychological damage caused by men like these - and like a member of OUR ward who was JUST arrested for molesting his granddaughter - is absolutely chief on my list.<br />
<br />
Please note the trigger warning above. For those of you who have experienced anything like this in any way, you may not wish to read about this woman's experience. For those who haven't, I sincerely feel it's important to understand what can and does happen in private interviews.<br />
<br />
Best, 'GinaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-88835067776746488202013-10-29T11:18:00.000-07:002013-10-29T11:18:23.577-07:00WHOA, THERE, DALLIN OAKS!A gent by name of Kyle Pederson wrote to Dallin Oaks re: a general conference talk. <a href="http://imgur.com/a/121jP" target="_blank">Check out their exchange.</a> It's worth your time.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-5459872476035363842013-10-28T18:27:00.001-07:002013-10-28T18:27:43.574-07:00Courtesy of James R. Birrell<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">While checking in with a few former-member groups on FB, I came across this exquisitely-written assessment of the predicament faced by apostates as they continue to interact with those with whom they once shared a religious belief. Thank you, Mr. James Birrell, for giving me permission to re-post your eloquently-worded thoughts. Without further ado...Mr. Birrell. </span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">"An
Iranian student of mine, here at UVU, has been spending time with me
sharing about his culture, faith, country, and perceptions of
America--which right now is Utah County. He wore a beautiful necklace
symbolizing his Zoroastrian faith: the Faravahar. It's beautiful, and I
asked if I might have one to wear--if wearing it would not disrespect
his faith tradition. <br /> <br /> He brought me one last Friday and shared
some of the meanings. He said, if you wear this, Iranians and others
from the Middle East may come up to you and begin talking with you,
because it will change how they see you. I put the necklace on and wore
it out of the building. I passed three Middle Eastern men as I did,
which is not unusual. What was unusual was that, for the first time in
my three years here at UVU, one of them looked at the necklace and said,
"hello."<br /> <br /> I thought how wearing the Faravahar made me visible
to some people, because the symbolism has status; thus, those who wear
the symbol are now accorded status. They are no longer invisible. For
ten seconds, as I passed that man, I was no longer invisible. For ten
seconds I was "real" and "visible" in the perceptual world of a man who
otherwise had no reason to see me or accord me status.<br /> <br />
Mormonism does not escape that reality. Like any other group, there are
symbols we give status to, including membership, level of activity,
temple recommend holder, calling, gender, political affiliation,
point-of-view, dress, etc. I think more often than not, what we are
engaging within the church experience are those symbols: we see each
other positionally as Bishop, President, home teacher, etc. We may come
to know someone more personally, or visibly, than their place in the
order, or how they contribute, hold power, or support us and our
families. We may be moved by their knowledge of scripture, frequent
testimonies, style of dress, figure or hair, etc. We may even become
friends.<br /> <br /> We see our perception of them, and according to what
symbols we hold as valuable, we give value to them as an expression and
affirmation of those symbols. I might give status to the Stake
President, for instance, that I don't give to the Ward Librarian. I live
in Utah and, while visiting Podunk, Iowa, I see garment lines through a
shirt and think, "He is one of us," and accord him status. <br /> <br /> We
make people who wear the symbols of our faith, i.e., of our sense of
what is true, and who is true, right and righteous, and who God surely
approves of--because they are like us, etc., one of us, a part of us,
real, visible, and approachable. <br /> <br /> Without those symbols people
are just one of seven billion faces in the sea of humanity that passes
us as or almost as invisible, unless someone is attractive, or for some
reason, engages us for a moment or lifetime. We size them up,
symbolically. We assign status, accordingly. <br /> <br /> And for Mormons,
what do you do with a so-called apostate? A "doubter" can have status.
An inactive member can have status. There is no status for one who
intentionally walks away, after having once been enlightened--as the
holy Mormon writings say. There is no status, or way to give status from
that place that gives status in the first place--belief, acceptance,
certainty.<br /> <br /> So, those who leave the faith trouble those who
stay, because they do not know how to make them visible--that would mean
returning them to status somehow; how can the believer do that? Too
often when the formerly visible becomes painfully invisible, that which
was once so visible becomes inaccessible--and for some even, so
lamentable or deplorable, and so painful, that they cannot even be
lovable to formerly visible, now exiled one. The once visible
becomes--as it were--invisible, as if they were dead, and from that
place you can experience all sorts of hurtful actions from those who
once held you as equal, and who now have no way to see you at all,
except as wrong, lost, destroying our family, captured by the enemy, or
worse. <br /> <br /> And the truth is, they never really saw you when you
were active--save in so far as you met their need to fit and affirm
their symbolic sense of reality--you were the righteous priesthood
holder, or dutiful wife; you played a role--you were that role! The life
of the "exile" is to be invisible to those believers who have no
symbolic place to love "all" as the self, as required by their faith.
The only currency between people who require status from one another to
be OK seems to be pain....and that part can be so hard to make invisible
to believers or exiles. The former faith has no status; thus neither
does the continued believer. Apostasy has no status; thus, neither does
the self-exiled. <br /> <br /> From that place, there is only pain! Until
there is another way to experience life between the still faithful and
once former believer! And that way for you is.........."<br /><br />My reply, by the way, was quite short: </span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[4]">I experience life as stardust, by the way. If I, you,</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[e5xa].[1][4][1]{comment714442011919122_714615398568450}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0].[1]">
and all the TBMs we know are truly the Cosmos Made Conscious, (thank
you, Brian Cox!) we are all products of our
genetics/upbringing/race/nationality/religion/influences/experiences,
and though I may not relate to any of those particulars, they make up a
person who is who and what I'd have been had I been born to/lived with
all those particulars. They are a reflection of me - the cosmos made
conscious, little bits of stardust - that differs insofar as their
collective existence, but are a complete record of who I could've been.
How can I not love that, if and when I'm willing (and disciplined)
enough to look beyond myself?<br /><br />I'd love to hear YOUR thoughts! Comment away, people! :)</span></span></span></span></span></h5>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-71228356132242396482013-10-08T18:51:00.003-07:002013-10-08T18:52:27.859-07:00Doubt Your Doubts, Not Your FaithConference is now officially the worst time of the year for me...and it comes twice. (Thanks for that, Mormons.) I received not one but SIX emails from LDS friends who wanted to let me know they thought of me when they heard Uchtdorf's talk about doubting one's doubts, rather than doubting one's faith.<br />
<br />
I've been stewing for two days.<br />
<br />
Then today I read this post over at The Church of the Fridge entitled "<a href="http://churchofthefridge.com/blog/2013/10/08/i-doubt-it/" target="_blank">I Doubt It</a>." It made my day. Perhaps it'll make yours, too.<br />
<br />
Enjoy,<br />
ReginaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-85928167603324741982013-10-03T06:58:00.000-07:002013-10-03T06:58:00.100-07:00Education: The Only Acceptable DebtSitting on the porch with my dear husband chatting about his recent increase in income, a light bulb went on in my brain.<br />
<br />
You see, my husband graduated from "The Lord's University" (BYU-Provo) with a prestigious degree that landed him an awesome job literally 11 months before he graduated. His income potential with that degree, because of what it is, is quite literally limitless. And that degree has worked in our favor in spades.<br />
<br />
I'd say we're "blessed," but according to members, we'd only be being "blessed" if we were active, righteous, tithe-paying Mormons. Instead, we're apparently being cursed by Satan with money that leads us away from wanting to pay tithing...that, or tried by God with an income that will test us to see whether or not we apply it to a righteous purpose. You know, like a $4bil mall in Salt Lake.<br />
<br />
Anyway, my husband just got a raise, and it was a good one, and though we are frugal people, it's nice to know that (for the time being!) we don't have a ton to worry about in the family financial department, and I can continue to stay home with our kids and run a household. AWESOME.<br />
<br />
Back to the point, we're sitting on the porch talking about his raise when he notes that now we have exactly one debt: a mortgage. We used his bonus last year to pay off all remaining student debt in the Samuelson household, and without car payments, and by carrying zero-balances on our credit cards, we are (excluding a reasonable mortgage) debt-free. He then noted that the church preaches there are only two acceptable kinds of debts: a reasonable mortgage, and education. Whatever we think or feel about the church, that was sound financial advice, and we're glad to have been raised to follow it.<br />
<br />
That said, it dawned on us about the same time WHY the church believes education to be the only acceptable form of debt...and the reasons are threefold:<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>The church wants educated members so they can point to their membership as among the most educated of any church around...thereby implying that the church really is God's church.</li>
<li>The church wants people to pursue a "righteous" education, meaning that BYU will grow and make money, harking back to the image of the church, of course, but also ensuring that they have control over the type of uber-conservative religious education their students receive.</li>
<li>Educated people command infinitely larger salaries than the uneducated, which means educated adult members will contribute larger tithing sums.</li>
</ol>
Those educated adult members won't JUST contribute larger tithing sums, though; they'll also contribute larger fast and other offerings, be able to be hit up for money for temples, missionaries in need (read: salespeople), scouting, what-have-you. They'll contribute to BYU as alumni, and they'll also contribute to the Perpetual Education Fund...which will, in turn, help provide an education for less-fortunate third world members.<br />
<br />
And what happens with those third world members? They'll be educated, rising above their communities and making more money (from which to tithe) and opening businesses (to employ community members they can proselytize) and become respected "wealthy" community leaders who credit their success, income, and esteem solely to the LDS church...another proselytizing strategy.<br />
<br />
Have you ever been to Disneyland? Being from Southern California, I have...too many times to count. Disneyland now has a very large parking structure...the largest in the world at the time it was built. It...is...amazing. It is daily filled to capacity with precision, the parking attendants moving cones, directing traffic, and smoothly, ever-so-smoothly, leading cars into perfectly aligned diagonal spaces with perfect timing and perfect smiles. <br />
<br />
The LDS church is a Disneyland parking garage. It has been redesigned "in these latter days" with absolute Disney precision. And what is Disneyland's ultimate goal? The give your family a perfect day at the Happiest Place on Earth? NO! If that were the case, the lines for rides wouldn't be 4 hours long, the ticket prices would be cut in half, the park would be limited to half it's current "capacity", and a host of other things would make it an easy, peaceful, fun, inexpensive day. The ultimate goal of the Disney Corporation, lest we deceive ourselves, is to MAKE MONEY.<br />
<br />
Such is the case with the LDS Corporation. Sure, go into debt for education. (You'll have to pay it back, not us.) In fact, get in debt up to your eyeballs for education, because while you're paying back half a million dollars in loans for dental school, you'll also be making $100,000 every year (to start) and forking over $10k in tithing...which tithing might cover a small portion of the cost of the City Creek Mall's electric bill this month, or might help persuade a minority female to take a position at BYU to bolster the university's professorial diversity, or may even pay for some fabric to make more garments that we'll sell right back to you at $6 per article, like the Company Store of a coal mine a hundred years ago.<br />
<br />
Of COURSE education is an "acceptable" debt to the Brethren. It inflates their yearly tax-free income.<br />
<br />
And that's when the light bulb over my head exploded, and I was blinded by the flash of anger it emitted, and I vowed that my children's children would never even hear the letters "B", "Y", and "U" strung together in that order.<br />
<br />
I'll pay for Harvard, thanks.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-33309892877641088992013-10-02T11:48:00.000-07:002013-10-02T11:48:14.377-07:00My Husband's JourneyMy husband has struggled watching me, and then struggled beside me, and though I cannot pretend to know all the thoughts in his head and heart, I read another man's exit story today, and could not shake the feeling that it might've been my husband who'd written it. Like yesterday's letter to potential female missionaries, I absolutely had to share it, for more reasons than I care to explain. So again, without further ado, I give you "<a href="http://churchofthefridge.com/blog/the-collapse-of-my-shelf/" target="_blank">The Collapse of My Shelf</a>." Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-67270129530018928832013-10-01T19:14:00.000-07:002013-10-01T19:14:42.505-07:00A Letter to Female Missionaries from a Lady RMI know of a woman named Lori Crandall from an ex-LDS group on facebook who happens to be a smart, gifted, straightforward soul. She recently posted a letter to female missionaries who are about to leave on their missions, and it was so awesome, I HAD to ask her for permission to re-post it. It simply must be shared. (For more about/from Lori, please visit her website <a href="http://www.loricrandall.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.)<br />
<br />
Without further ado, then, I give you Lori's letter to pavement-pounding Sisters. Enjoy. I did.<br />
<br />
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3,"tn":"K"}"><span class="userContent">A word of advice to all new female missionaries preparing to enter the MTC.<br /> <br /> As you are just heading out on your mission, I entered the MTC almost the same day back in 1990. I'm now about to turn 44.<br /> <br />
I don't think it is possible to understand how Patriarchy hurts women
until you actually enter the mission field and you see how the church is
run and you see just how little power you really have. You work and
work and then have to turn your investigators over to a boy 3 years
younger than you to baptize and your investigator is looking at you like
you are a weak, weak woman who can't literally work for god on her own.
Wait, you'll see.<br /> <br /> Then, you'll go to numerous zone meetings
where the boys will get up and preside and lead and you will sit quietly
with your companion and say nothing.<br /> <br /> You will work at least 80
hours a week and still jump when the DL calls and wants you teach one
of their female investigators even though you are exhausted, your
laundry needs done, you've eaten nothing but pasta all week,...you'll
go...because the boys come first and you have to be "selfless". And,
when your companion or yourself becomes suicidal because of the lack of
any control you have over your life out there...you'll be blamed, not
the church, not the program, not the regime.<br /> <br /> So, here's my
advice and I hope you can here me. Remember this...you are doing all of
this for FREE. Either you, or your friends and family are paying for you
to be a saleswoman for the Corporation of the President of the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. For the next 18 months, you will
attempt to convert people who will pay 10% to the church for a lifetime.
You are literally filling the back accounts of the church, while yours
is emptying. And when you come back, there is nothing for you. No
tuition assistance, no lump sum payment...nothing. But the church could
have already made thousands because of your work and hard hard labor.<br /> <br /> So, I will tell you what I wish someone would have told me. When you are tired. Don't go out.<br /> <br /> When you are sick, go to a doctor, listen to her/him and go back to your flat and don't go out.<br /> <br />
If you are mentally exhausted. Stop working and go see the sights and
forget the work for the day and just focus on you and re energizing your
batteries.<br /> <br /> If you are in a flat that is too cold or too hot,
or that has mold, or rats, or any infestations...DEMAND to move,
immediately. DO NOT JEOPARDIZE your health for this mission.<br /> <br />
Remember, if you spent this time in the military, you'd be making
serious money, and they would house and feed you well. A mission is
opposite, you are being drained and you will feel that in just a few
days when your parents drive away and are thinking all is well. It won't
be and only you will know that as it's you out there,...not them. Also,
if the moment comes where you don't want to be there anymore. If you
have given all you can and your soul is on the verge of breaking...don't
worry about family, friends or expectations...get home, save yourself
and do what you want where you want and pursue your dreams.<br /> <br /> Remember, this is voluntary and you are losing money.<br /> <br />
I'll tell you the truth, when I got out there...after 2 months I was
done. That is a LONG time to give your days and nights for free to any
organization. 18 months is extortion...but you'll find that out
yourself. Most people stay out because they are afraid of their parents.
I was.<br /> <br /> Also, when you come home. Move away from your family.
Spend time with YOU. Get your own routine back. Do what you love. If you
want to be a plumber, go learn to be a plumber. You want to be a
cowboy, an electrician...go do that.<br /> <br /> If you want to be a
parent, don't even think about it until your late 20's. Get your
education, get your career stable, get your own place and get some money
in the bank and you guard that with your life.<br /> <br /> A mission is
hard, but coming home with nothing and starting a marriage with nothing
and having babies with nothing is harder. Your mother made her choices
and you have yours to make. Don't confuse the two.<br /> <br /> I mean no
disrespect to your mother, but I've been out there pounding the pavement
in a foreign country. I know darn good and well what you are up against
and no mother who has never experienced that has a right to expect her
daughter not to be completely changed by that experience.<br /> <br /> Use
your instincts. Put yourself first, put your companion second and don't
shun her if she just can't go out that day. Help her, comfort her and
talk to her and don't guilt her. She's human like you and doing the best
she can.<br /> <br /> I won't say "good luck" as I know it takes a heck of a lot more than that to survive this.<br /> <br />
If you get sick, get checked for worms and parasites. If someplace
doesn't feel right...stay away. If you get a companion that you cannot
get a long with no matter how hard you try. Refuse to work until you get
reassigned. Do not suffer out there any more than you need to.
Remember, at the end of this 18 months, you bank account is zero, but
the bank account of the church could very well be in the thousands that
you'll never see and never benefit from. Keep that in mind.<br /> <br /> You
are going to have to be strong. The MTC is not the real world. Be as
ready as you can. And, if you get hurt and your parents don't want to
hear it because of how it would "look", stop talking to them and find
someone who will listen to you...it just might save your life.<br /> <br />
On a personal note...I never married or had kids because I hated the
gender roles in the church. When I came home from my mission my Bishop
father forced me to go a singles ward to get married, he gave me no
choice and that was it for me. I had just worked my butt of for nothing
for the church and I was not going to come home as a 23 year old woman
and be disrespected again. I left the church shortly after this. Why?
How could true believing Mormon woman leave the church after a lifetime
of living it? Because as a woman I was no longer willing to be subject
to a man whe I had just worked as hard or harder than them for
nothing...and they got the pleasure of baptizing the people I had worked
so hard to convert. No, patriarchy and gender roles are not for me.<br /> <br /> But...I would never have known that unless I had entered into the pressure cooker that is called a "mission".<br /> <br /> Be smart, and save yourself.<br /> <br /> Lori</span></span></h5>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-1240011044083724652013-08-28T08:37:00.000-07:002013-08-28T08:37:33.920-07:00Telling it Like it isA friend shared this quote on facebook this morning, though without an attribution. It's too good and too spot-on to not share, so if anyone knows who said it or where it came from, please let me know! I did a search and couldn't figure out where it came from.<br />
<br />
Enjoy! 'Gina<br />
<br />
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">"One
of the problems with Mormonism is that it doesn't just guide you
through life. It wraps it's tentacles around your very definition of
self. The church tells you how to live, who to be, where to donate your
time and talents, it defines your morals for you, tells you what you
want in a spouse, where you want to marry, what underwear to choose, how
to live nearly every aspect of your life. Your ideal life is directed
for you, instead of coming from someplace inside of you.<br /> <br /> I read
in a book recently, a letter from a woman to her boyfriend, apologizing
for her obsessive, manipulative behavior saying "I was taught growing
up that I was nothing without a man - without a husband and children.
The man <span class="text_exposed_show">I married would define my life."
She went on to break up with her boyfriend, saying she wouldn't be good
with him til she found out who she was. How true was this for so many
who pass through Mormonism? You are defined by who you marry, especially
if you are a woman. Your choices and accomplishments are applauded if
they are for the glory of Mormonism but dismissed or derided if they are
not - no matter how much those decisions reflect the real you. I
"belong" to the church of Jesus Christ ... It becomes your identity.
They OWN you.<br /> <br /> When that much of you is invested in any one
thing, career, accomplishments, looks, religion, losing it shakes the
very foundation of your soul. Who ARE you, if not LDS? What do YOU want?
How do you know when you have never had to figure that out for
yourself, except on the most shallow level? When there is no one to tell
you how to be and who you are, how do you even begin to figure that
out? To some extent, it's a relief. But it's also a very real loss. For
Mormons to think we'd throw away so much of ourselves because we are
offended is outrageous. It's a huge sacrifice we go through because our
honor and integrity mean more to us than anything.<br /> <br /> That loss of
identity is also why Mormons find us so threatening. Our disbelief
strikes at the very core of who they are and how they define themselves.
Some people aren't ready to face the fact - not that the church isn't
true but that they themselves aren't true. Devastating as it's been in
many aspects, I'd rather face a complete rebuild than live a lie. But
that's just me. Other people can't bear the thought.<br /> <br /> It's
ironic one of Mormons favorite Primary songs is "The wise man built his
house upon a rock - the foolish man built his house upon the sand."
Instead of knocking down their house and rebuilding on a rock, they
shore up their shifting sands beach home, endlessly, with whatever junk
they find."</span></span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-19475012285346609882013-08-26T07:17:00.000-07:002013-08-26T15:55:03.329-07:00New Week, New Reviews...and a Troll.Good morning...and thanks! The reviews on amazon for <u>I'm (No Longer) a Mormon</u> are rolling in; 27 all told now! Believe it or not, 23 are five star, so to those who have reviewed the book and been so kind, a big heartfelt THANK YOU is coming your way! There's one in particular I'd like to draw your attention to, however...and it's the 2-star review.<br />
<br />
I confess myself delighted to have picked up a troll (who, by the way, apparently did not buy the book). Check it out:<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.5em;">
<span style="margin-right: 5px;"><span class="swSprite s_star_2_0 " title="2.0 out of 5 stars">2 out of 5 stars</span> </span>
<span style="vertical-align: middle;"><b>"It would be smart for readers to get a balanced view - talk to others who've had positive experiences in the Mormon church.</b>" <nobr>August 22, 2013</nobr></span>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.5em;">
<div>
<div style="float: left;">
By <b>Woodseal <span class="h3color tiny">This review is from: </span>I'm (No Longer) a Mormon: A Confessional (Paperback)</b>
</div>
<div class="tiny" style="margin-bottom: 0.5em;">
</div>
</div>
</div>
I have been a very happy member of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints (which means modern followers of Christ),(The Mormon
Church) for 61 years. I am grateful for the strength it has given me to
go through life with faith and happiness. I feel very close to God,and
love Him and His Son, Jesus Christ.<br />
<br />
I have never been abused or
demeaned as a woman. On the contrary, I have found that women in the
Church have a chance to become the very best leaders and contributors to
their communities and the world around them, that they can possibly be.
Opportunities to help others within the church and community give us
many chances to learn and grow, and post-high school education is highly
encouraged.<br />
<br />
I have never felt limited in any way. The commandments
of God rather keep me from problems I would have caused myself and
others if I had ignored those commandments. They free me to make the
choices I want to make, without addictions or baggage.<br />
<br />
The Church is
the same throughout the world, but groups of people can have very
different attitudes and dynamics. I fear that is what may have affected
the author of this book. She may have been living within a ward or
area where the people did not understand and try to fully live the
gospel and values taught by Jesus Christ. I have lived and regularly
attended church in Wales, England, Minnesota, Utah, and Hawaii, and many
places in Maine. I have found joyful, happy, growing individuals and
families everywhere I've been. No group of human beings can be perfect.
No Mormon is perfect. No matter where you go or what religion, or
social group, or even company or neighborhood you may be part of, there
will be individuals who wrong others intentionally or unintentionally.
But as a way of life, a faith, the "Mormon church" is full of hope,
peace, security, comfort, growth and joy. I am very grateful for the
blessing of being a "Mormon." (Mormon was a prophet of God many
centuries ago on the Western Hemisphere, who prophesied of Christ, and
preserved and abridged the record of his people, known now as the Book
of Mormon. Mormons who are living their religion try their best to live
by the teachings of Jesus Christ taught in the Holy Bible, and in the
Book of Mormon, and respect all other people of any faith, agnostic, or
atheist.)<br />
<br />
..........................Is it just me, or did this lady not even read the book? And for that matter, is this a review, or a proselyting attempt? Either way, I'm thrilled. I've officially ticked off a member enough by writing a former-member confessional that she felt a need to "balance" my unread account with a missionary edict.<br />
<br />
Now if only I could get the Strengthening the Membership Committee up in arms, I'd be set!<br />
<br />
Have a wonderful week! I sure will! Much love, Regina<br />
<br />
PS: If anyone would like to respond to Ms. Woodseal, I'm sure she'd be elated. (wink, wink)<br />
PPS: If anyone would like to review the book on amazon - you know, anyone who has actually READ it - I'd be elated, no matter how you rate it! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-37310170731833255272013-08-25T09:59:00.000-07:002013-08-25T09:59:29.946-07:0010 Reasons to Protect Your Children from Mormonism<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">A
woman from our ward sent an email the other day "because she was
concerned about my kids." She actually said, and I quote, "I hope you're
still teaching them that the gospel is true, even though you may not
believe it anymore." </span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">................. Well, of COURSE I am, lady! I
mean, why would I teach them to think for themselves, to reason
logically, and to test out the efficacy of Joseph/Brigham/Thomas's
claims when I could just teach them to believe? I mean, I clearly don't
believe it, but that doesn't make it untrue! </span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">So after noting the above on facebook, I then wrote the following: "Gee whiz. What
the heck do you say to that?"</span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">The replies were hysterical, mostly stating that I should've told her to kiss off, but one gent sent a fabulous link that I HAD to share. This is from the blog of one Chris Tolworthy, who himself notes at the top that most of his blog entries were back during his "angry" phase of disaffection, but it makes this particular entry no less awesome.</span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Check it out <a href="http://www.exmormon.org.uk/tol_arch/atozelph/topten.htm" target="_blank">HERE</a>, and for heaven's sake, protect your kids from Mormonism!!! </span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-40194729165843318042013-08-19T18:43:00.000-07:002013-08-19T18:43:25.611-07:00If You're a Reader and Not a Writer...I have a friend over at <a href="http://www.newordermormon.org/" target="_blank">New Order Mormon</a> that happens to be a moderator named Dathon. He's a heckuva guy with a masters who may be one of the best-read people I know, particularly in the areas of the psychology of belief and human error.<br />
<br />
When you've got a friend like that, you just HAVE to know what he's reading...so I asked for his short list.<br />
<br />
Dathon's short list is most people's "covered 'til I'm dead" list...but it is so utterly, incredibly worthwhile, I absolutely had to share. If you need some good books about why you think the way you do, and how to handle the way you think...you're welcome. (But please give Dathon the credit.)<br />
<br />
And so, without further ado...Dathon's short list.<br />
<br />
<div class="_38 direction_ltr">
<span class="null">Human Error, by James T. Reason
Text on industrial accidents. Worth borrowing from a library. <br />
<br />
Why
We Make Mistakes: How We Look Without Seeing, Forget Things in Seconds,
and Are All Pretty Sure We Are Way Above Average by Joseph Hallinan. A
good introduction to error / decision making. A lay person's guide to
why people are prone to doing dumb things.<br />
<br />
Don't Believe
Everything You Think: The 6 Basic Mistakes We Make in Thinking, by
Thomas Kida. I heard the author interviews on the "Point of Inquiry"
podcast during a difficult interval of my own faith crisis. The book is
accessible and well written, imo.<br />
<br />
How We Know What Isn't So: The
Fallibility of Human Reason in Everyday Life by Thomas Gilovich. An
excellent introduction to cognitive biases and other common pitfalls
that short circuit critical thinking. This was one of the first books
on the subject that I encountered, so it's one of my favorites.<br />
<br />
How
We Decide by Jonah Lehrer. A good introduction for those not familiar
with decision making, biases and error. I particularly liked the
chapter on the influence of emotion. This is not a strong or technical
book and has some flaws.<br />
<br />
Behind Human Error [Paperback]
David D. Woods (Author), Sidney Dekker (Author), Richard Cook (Author),
Leila Johannesen (Author), Nadine Sarter (Author)
I haven't read this one yet. It's on my list. I'll probably
get the kindle edition next month. This is likely way too technical for
most readers.<br />
<br />
Reason & Religious Belief: An Introduction to
the Philosophy of Religion
This textbook is in its 5th edition. I bought a 2nd edition at a used
bookstore and found it helpful in re-framing how I think and feel about
religion in general. <br />
<br />
The 5 Elements of Effective Thinking by Edward B. Burger and Michael Starbird<br />
<br />
The Logic of Failure: why things go wrong and what we can do to make them right. by Detrich Dorner<br />
<br />
Inevitable
Illusions: How Mistakes of Reason Rule Our Minds, by Massimo
Piatelli-Palmarini (translated by the author & Keith Botsford)<br />
<br />
The Seven Sins of Memory: How the Mind Forgets and Remembers by Daniel L. Schacter<br />
<br />
The
Believing Brain: From Ghosts and Gods to Politics and
Conspiracies---How We Construct Beliefs and Reinforce... by Michael
Shermer<br />
<br />
On Being Certain: Believing You Are Right Even When You're Not by Robert Burton <br />
<br />
The Invisible Gorilla: How Our Intuitions Deceive Us by Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons <br />
<br />
Mistakes
Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad
Decisions, and Hurtful Acts by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson<br />
<br />
Why People Believe Weird Things: Pseudoscience, Superstition, and Other Confusions of Our Time by Michael Shermer<br />
<br />
Memory, Brain, and Belief (Mind/Brain/Behavior Initiative) by Daniel L. Schacter and Elaine Scarry <br />
<br />
Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error by Kathryn Schulz
Check out Kathryn Schulz's TED Talk on Being Wrong also.<br />
<br />
<span class="null">Currently reading / listening to: You Are Not So
Smart: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is
Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You're Deluding Yourself
by David McRaney</span><br />
<br />
<span class="null">...</span><br />
<br />
<span class="null">Make no mistake, my amazon "Wish List" just exploded. (Probably better that I don't see Dathon's, however; he said it has a tendency to make people gasp.) All you readers, enjoy, and I look forward to sharing as I make my (slow) way through! THANKS AGAIN, DATHON!!! </span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-74508703117182709682013-08-16T16:26:00.001-07:002013-08-16T16:27:46.864-07:00Who Needs to Write?I was directed to this UBER-FAB blog entry today, and I cannot possibly add anything more to it, so I leave it with you to follow the link and let your jaw hit the floor! Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.i4m.com/think/sexuality/homosexual_ruin.htm" target="_blank">CLICK ME</a> for the LDS Ruin of Civilization! (Seriously, great quotes!)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-30722766684817511732013-08-16T16:22:00.000-07:002013-08-16T16:22:17.607-07:00Another Terrifying Tale...and a Review! I received a note from reader Chris today, who posted the following review on amazon and gave me permission to share it here on the blog. I always cringe at what the church's treatment of women does to the male psyche, and Chris's story illustrates it beautifully. .......... YIKES. So here we go!<br />
<br />
<div class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">"I
purchased this book on Thursday afternoon and finished it Friday
morning. It was like sitting down with a friend and hearing her story
and being reminded about the Mormon faith at the same time. The author's
insight and presentation of the doctrines and unspoken beliefs of
Mormons are right on. I know that because I was a Mormon for 35 years,
having done my time as a missionary, then marrying in the temple,
teaching gospel doctrine classes, and performing priesthood ordinances.
The book covers just about everything I can remember and would write if I
had written one on this subject.<br /> <br /> The author spends some time
going over the sickness men perpetrate toward women in and out of the
Mormon faith. I have a personal account to share, the most extreme one I
have ever experienced, but not the only sick one.<br /> <br /> I remember I
was assigned as a home teacher to some young women when I attended a
singles ward, a congregation made up entirely of 20 somethings <span class="text_exposed_show">looking
for mates. My companion, since males were always paired with another
male when assigned visiting duties, was a guy who liked to wear white
shoes. To make a really long story short, he was apprehended the night
before we were to visit our first assignment, a young blonde who lived
with her parents... Apprehended, arrested, and convicted for being the
notorious St. Peter Rapist. He received a life sentence for sodomizing
his young female victims before he cut crosses in their backs and took
their hair as an offering to Jesus.<br /> <br /> I could go on for thousands
of words about less drastic but still very sick, debilitating, immoral
acts and deeds I saw in the 35 years as a Mormon. My wife could add
thousands more. She spent 40 years as a member. We are together and
happy, having both left the faith at the same time, well, she left a
week before I did; and now are raising our two sons to be productive
humans in a beautiful world.<br /> <br /> The author (identity unknown) has
done a fantastic job not only explaining the doctrines but showing how
those doctrines and beliefs affect the way the average Mormon conducts
himself/herself in the world. If you really want to get to know the
Mormon people before you join their organization (if you are so
inclined) then I'm (No Longer) A Mormon is a must read."</span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<br /></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="text_exposed_show">Thank you, Chris...not only for the positive review, but for being willing to share such a shocking, jaw-dropping experience...and your personal acknowledgment that I am nowhere close to the only one who has been exposed to the insanity of cult-style experiences. Glad you're free, sir. All my best.</span></span></div>
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="text_exposed_show">And to the rest of you, all my best, as well. And happy weekend! 'Gina</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-81250238015199219002013-08-07T09:19:00.000-07:002013-08-07T09:19:01.013-07:00The Egg, by Andy WeirYou may or may not have read or heard this, but I've been trying for MONTHS to figure out how to explain how I now view the god, existence, human life, the universe, and everything in it, and this sums it up beautifully. Thank you to my dear friend B for sending it. Much love, lady. 'Gina<br />
<br />
<br />
You were on your way home when you died.<br />
<br />
It
was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal
nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless
death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body
was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.<br />
<br />
And that’s when you met me.<br />
<br />
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”<br />
<br />
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.<br />
<br />
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”<br />
<br />
“Yup,” I said.<br />
<br />
“I… I died?”<br />
<br />
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.<br />
<br />
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”<br />
<br />
“More or less,” I said.<br />
<br />
“Are you god?” You asked.<br />
<br />
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”<br />
<br />
“My kids… my wife,” you said.<br />
<br />
“What about them?”<br />
<br />
“Will they be all right?”<br />
<br />
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”<br />
<br />
You
looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just
looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure,
maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.<br />
<br />
“Don’t
worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect
in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife
will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair,
your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel
very guilty for feeling relieved.”<br />
<br />
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”<br />
<br />
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”<br />
<br />
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”<br />
<br />
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”<br />
<br />
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”<br />
<br />
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”<br />
<br />
“So
what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a
blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did
in this life won’t matter.”<br />
<br />
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you
all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just
don’t remember them right now.” I stopped walking and took you by
the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic
than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny
fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of
water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into
the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the
experiences it had. You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years,
so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense
consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start
remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each
life.”<br />
<br />
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”<br />
<br />
“Oh
lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This
time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”<br />
<br />
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”<br />
<br />
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”<br />
<br />
“Where you come from?” You said.<br />
<br />
“Oh
sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there
are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but
honestly you wouldn’t understand.”<br />
<br />
“Oh,” you said, a little let
down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could
have interacted with myself at some point.”<br />
<br />
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”<br />
<br />
“So what’s the point of it all?”<br />
<br />
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”<br />
<br />
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.<br />
<br />
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”<br />
<br />
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”<br />
<br />
“No,
just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you
grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”<br />
<br />
“Just me? What about everyone else?”<br />
<br />
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”<br />
<br />
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”<br />
<br />
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”<br />
<br />
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”<br />
<br />
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.<br />
<br />
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”<br />
<br />
“Or who will ever live, yes.”<br />
<br />
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”<br />
<br />
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.<br />
<br />
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.<br />
<br />
“And you’re the millions he killed.”<br />
<br />
“I’m Jesus?”<br />
<br />
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”<br />
<br />
You fell silent.<br />
<br />
“Every
time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself.
Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy
and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be,
experienced by you.”<br />
<br />
You thought for a long time. “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”<br />
<br />
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”<br />
<br />
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”<br />
<br />
“No.
Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every
human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”<br />
<br />
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”<br />
<br />
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”<br />
<br />
And I sent you on your way.<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
The only difference between this and what I'm coming to for myself is that perhaps I take it a step farther: We are not just god in embryo, we ARE god...as it were. God is a collection of experience, a database, if you will, of everything and everyone in the universe, of every experience, of every conceivable avenue of experience and every possible choice that could be made. All-encompassing, in other words, and able to retain each individual experience while allowing the identity born of that experience to also unite with the whole.<br />
<br />
.................Or maybe I'm talking out my rear. That's a possibility, too. Either way...it's something to think about. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-37392238522002486902013-08-06T08:00:00.000-07:002013-08-06T08:00:01.493-07:00A Friend's Exit StoryI don't know about you, but I LOVE ex-Mormon exit stories. We all have one that's dramatically different from everyone else's...and yet they're all so amazingly the same.<br />
<br />
This one comes from an anonymous former Mormon who has been through a number of inconceivable struggles, and I feel incredibly privileged that she allowed me to read it, let alone share it with you. I do so because she has suffered in ways that perhaps some of you can relate to and understand better than I can, and we all need to know someone else has been there.<br />
<br />
So without any further ado: An Amazing Exit Experience.<br />
<br />
<u>LEAVING THE BOX </u><br />
<br /> I was born & raised
LDS, a sixth generation Mormon, a direct descendant of Parley P. Pratt
(a yucky man) on one side. I am the fourth of five children. My
Dad was a convert to the church early in my parents' marriage and they
were sealed in the temple long before I was ever born. My childhood
was sheltered but generally good. I mostly grew up in Idaho but we lived
in Utah some too. I was a very "good girl" - I tried really hard to do
what was right & to be obedient. <br /> <br /> I think the first time I
remember having a question about the church was when I was eight yrs.
old. I remember asking my Mom if I had to get baptized or could I wait. I
told her I didn't KNOW the church was true. She was shocked at my
question, & I was baptized but not necessarily by my own choice.
Note: I don't blame my parents for anything, so keep that in mind as
you read. I think they did the best they could do based on what they
knew & believed at the time. <br /> <br /> Growing up, I never really
fit in with the other kids my age. I was VERY SHY, quiet &
introverted. When I was 16 I got my Patriarchal Blessing. I didn't tell
anyone what it said. The following Sunday I was waiting in the hallway
of the church with all of the other YW to go to YW's classes. Apparently
we all had our blessings done around the same time, because the other
girls were talking about what their blessings said. I was shocked to
discover that mine was exactly WORD FOR WORD the same as theirs! I was
so angry! I told my Mom that Heavenly Father must not care about
me very much or I would have a blessing that was just for me, instead of
having one that was generic! She told me that if we are righteous we
are all entitled to the same blessings. She couldn't really console me
at all on this topic & I never forgot this. <br /> <br /> I did four
years of Seminary; I was my Seminary teacher's prize student. I read the
Book of Mormon many times, prayed hard, & got no answer about its
truthfulness. My Seminary teacher told me that the reason I didn't get
the burning in the bosom was because (& I quote), "You ALREADY KNOW
IT'S TRUE!!" For some odd reason that made me feel
special. <br /> <br /> When I was 18 I married someone I really did not
know. He was a so-called "worthy Priesthood holder" who wanted me to be a
stay-at-home wife & bear his children. He told me he had a
revelation that I was to marry him (he'd had "a vision".) When I was
eight (he was 16) he told me that if my sister wouldn't marry him, he
wanted me to marry him. Boy was I flattered, as a little kid, I didn't
know that was just nasty & weird!! However, it stayed in my brain.
Growing up, I heard my Mom talk about how wonderful this guy was &
how she'd love to have him as a son-in-law some day. (Again, I don't
blame her.) I was a people-pleaser, so you can guess how this affected
me.<br /> <br /> My ex’s Stake president referred to him as a "spiritual giant" & had told him he would one
day be a stake president himself. (That didn't happen.) I mention this
because a lot of people were fooled by my ex. When we married, he was
26, divorced, & had two kids. (His ex-wife was a convert who had
realized she was gay, so she left him & the church.) He sexually
assaulted me a few days before we married but I was scared & very
embarrassed so I didn't tell a soul. I thought it must have been my
fault somehow. I felt OBLIGATED to marry him because of this, because I
was not clean & pure anymore. We went to the Temple &
were sealed. I felt very UNWORTHY, but he didn't even feel bad about
what he did. I was surprised that when we went into the Temple no one
had a revelation that he was unworthy!! I cried all night long on my
pathetic sealing night, knowing I had made a big mistake in marrying
him, but I was too scared to tell anyone. This was the beginning of a 16
year long marriage to an abusive, horrible, con-man. He was abusive to
me in every possible way, emotionally, physically, economically, &
sexually.<br /> <br /> We moved right after we
were married & I got pregnant 3 months later. He lost his job 4
months after we married, & didn't try to get another job. We were
dirt poor, & I mean poorer than most people ever experience here in
the USA. We had no phone, one barely working car, no money, no food,
& on top of that, I had never been away from my family before so I
suffered horrible home sickness. We lived in a literal shack (rent $40 a
month) that was condemned & torn down after we moved out of it.<br /> <br /> I went to my Bishop and confessed my sexual "sins" (of being sexually
assaulted) during a temple recommend interview. I took full
responsibility for what my ex had done to me, as if it were my fault,
& the Bishop never really knew the TRUTH of what happened. My ex
didn’t want me to talk to anyone about anything that he perceived as
private.<br />
<br /> I had my first baby in 1992 at age 19.
I had my second baby two yrs. later at 21. Then at 22, my step-kids
moved in with us. I had never even met them before (they were ages nine
& seven at the time) because their Mom had moved away & kept the
kids away from my ex. He hadn’t seen them in 4.5 years. I was too young
to be raising four kids, & I didn't know what I was doing. It was
really hard on me. My ex was abusive to the kids as well as to me - I
saved them several times from being beaten half to death by him. (There
were a few times I thought he was going to kill his kids.) <br /> <br /> I
was pregnant a total of ten times; I miscarried five times. I had priesthood
blessings that stated the babies/pregnancies would be healthy &
well... blah blah blah…. only to lose half of them. I really started to
question the power of the Priesthood, however, thanks to the
double-bind, I believed I must not be righteous enough for those
blessings!!! Of course, it was my fault somehow, right??<br />
<br />
In 1999 my firstborn child was diagnosed with
terminal brain cancer. I asked for a blessing of healing for her from
the missionaries, who told me they could not do it, & I needed to
ask my Home Teachers. I asked the Home Teachers, who would not give her a
blessing of healing, but he just asked for “God's will to be done”. My
Dad & some other P. holders gave her a blessing, but again, all
they said was, “God's will be done” (not blessing her to be healed).
Then the Stake President said he had a revelation that it was her time
to go. I just remember thinking that if these men REALLY had the ability
to heal AS CHRIST DID, WHY would they not use that power to save a six
year old whose faith was purer than anyone else's??? (She never doubted
she'd be healed & never once complained.) I came to the conclusion
that the reason they didn't do it was because they COULDN'T do it. Jesus
didn't say "no" to anyone when people asked Him for a healing. He
didn't tell people it was their time to go! My daughter died at age six
& it changed my life forever. I never believed 100% in the church
after that, I felt for the first time that I really didn't KNOW
anything, & it scared the living hell out of me.
My Patriarchal blessing did not have ONE SINGLE THING in it to help me
through my daughter's death. Not one. And I combed through it over and
over again, just looking for one little thing to comfort me.<br /> <br /> I
really wanted a divorce after my daughter died. I went to my many different bishops throughout the years as we moved around, they all told me I needed to work out my
marriage & try to be a BETTER WIFE (even after my ex had hit me in
the face!). I had a Stake President who told me that it would be a sin
for me to leave my husband & that we did NOT NEED LOVE to make our
marriage work!! After years of suffering I stopped talking to anyone
about what was going on at home. Most people had no idea. <br /> <br /> My
ex was called to be a counselor to the Bishop in the second to last ward
we were in. I told the Bishop I didn't think he was worthy
of being a Counselor & he said, "All the wives say that!" (Wow,
really? Maybe someone should start listening to the wives! Maybe they
know something!!) I really thought it was nuts that no one ever had any
inspiration or revelation about my ex, he was respected & liked (he
is an amazing manipulator) up until the last ward we were in together. When we first moved to that ward we had a
really good Bishop (who was released from that calling during our six
years there). I think that Bishop could see my ex wasn't such a Peter
Priesthood. He also listened to me when I told him I was tired of
Primary callings. (I had taught nursery/primary for most of my married
church years.)<br /> <br /> All of these things led me in the direction that
would eventually get me out of the church. In 2005 I was pregnant with
my fifth child & doing three callings. This was the ward we lived in
the longest, & for the first time ever I wasn't working in the
Primary. I taught the 12 & 13 year old Sunday school class
(averaging 15-22 kids a week), visiting teaching, & taught the
Enrichment lessons once a month. (I think there was one more calling but
I can't remember what it was now.) Our NEW Bishop (not the one I liked)
called me to play the piano in RS at this time. I felt that God had
nothing to do with callings. If God was involved He would know I
couldn't handle four+ callings on top of being pregnant, raising four
kids (my oldest step-child had moved out by this time), & being
completely miserable in my marriage! I didn't think Mormon men had
access to any revelation at this point.<br /> <br /> Right around this
time, my Mom had told me about a book she thought I should read called
An Insider's View of Mormon Origins by Grant Palmer. (My youngest
brother had recommended it to her.) I thought if the church is really
true it won't matter what I read because if the church is "true", it
will still be true! I think I was on chapter three in this book when I
realized I was DONE being a Mormon! My ex resigned with me June of 2005.
He wasn't doing his callings anymore, he was skipping classes &
flirting with other women in the hallway during meetings (always a habit
of his), & he was tired of being pressured to do his callings. We resigned five
months before my last baby was born. <br /> <br /> Also around this same
time my step-son was caught molesting my daughter so my ex kicked him
out of the house (he sent him to live with his mother). The Bishop &
the whole ward sided with the step-son, saying that I was lying about
what had happened & that I was just trying to destroy his testimony!
I found out that the other LDS kids, including the Bishop’s kids, were
harassing my daughter on the school bus telling her she was lying, &
she was just trying to cause trouble for my step-son! Interesting but I
never heard any slander towards my ex, it was just ALL MY FAULT.<br /> <br />
After resigning from the church, I went to non-LDS therapy on my own,
against my ex's wishes, & ten months after I started therapy, I
realized I wasn't a crazy person & my ex WAS abusive (& it
wasn’t MY FAULT!). I left him, everything WE owned, & I moved back home where my parents live. I got on an airplane with my four
daughters, only $200 to my name, our clothes, & left everything else
behind. I started my life over. I live in the SAME town where I grew up
which is very difficult because of how saturated this area is with LDS
& also that every time I go into the schools, post office, grocery
store, etc. I see people I knew when I was growing up. (We live in a small town with FOUR LDS chapels. VERY SATURATED.)<br />
<br />
I don't know how
long it will take me to really fully recover from Mormonism. I don't
know when I will truly learn how to reason like other people do. I am
convinced that brainwashing stays with you for a long time. I feel
angry when I see how unfairly I was treated as a female in the church. I
hate how women are disregarded in the church! I still struggle with
trusting myself & trusting my own intuition, & being logical. I
still find that I am too trusting of other people when I shouldn't be. I
made so many very important decisions in my life based on WHAT OTHER
PEOPLE TOLD ME, & I trusted priesthood holders more than myself, which
caused me a lot of grief!!<br /> <br /> I went through hell to get my
divorce, my ex stalked me & bought me a GRAVE. I had a few years of classes & therapy at the women's
shelter, which changed my life. My ex moved away & rarely
sees the kids now & I'm re-married to a wonderful man who truly
sees men & women as EQUAL. That is amazing to me right there. He has
never once made me feel like I am less than he is.<br />
<br />
Thank you for being interested in my story. I hope this isn't too choppy
or confusing, I never went to college or took any writing classes.<br />
<br />
<br />
No, my dear, neither choppy nor confusing. Just amazing. Thank you for your example, your strength, and your commitment to your children and your sanity. Thank you to your new, wonderful husband. Thank you for sharing this. May it be a strength for someone in need. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-79636862968885870042013-08-05T16:37:00.002-07:002013-08-05T16:37:41.474-07:00AbrahamMy husband and I were on a rare date this weekend, and we had a great time...so I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how Abraham (of the famous Abraham/Isaac/Jacob trio) came up in conversation.<br />
<br />
At one point, however, hubs turns to me and says, "Seriously, 'Gina, if I got out of bed one morning and told you that God had told me to take our son for a walk into a neighboring community and KILL HIM, what would you say?"<br />
<br />
"..................Um..............................................He didn't did He?"<br />
<br />
"No."<br />
<br />"Just checking. Okay, then, I'd probably grab the first available item I could use for self-defense - a kitchen knife, maybe, if I couldn't beat you to the gun safe - and I would defend our children tooth and nail from your crazy-ass self while simultaneously screaming at our children to dial 911 so I could have you committed to an insane asylum. If, after a respectable amount of time, you did not improve, I'd seek a divorce. If I even imagined that any 'improvement' on your part was feigned, I'd divorce you and whisk our kids away somewhere where I could change our identities and never see you again. Basically, I'd protect my children...even from their Dad."<br />
<br />
"That's what I thought." Then came a pause, and then, "So what the hell was wrong with Abraham's wife?!"<br />
<br />
I thought it over for a moment, and then said, "Nothing. She didn't exist."<br />
<br />
The conversation continued in a different vein at that point, but O...M...GOODNESS. Why had I never considered what Sarah was thinking? Why, as a WOMAN, had I not thought about her potential reaction to Abraham's sheathing his knife and heading off to a mountain with Isaac in tow?<br />
<br />
Oh, I remember now: women in the Bible are insignificant.<br />
<br />
In fact, women in ALL "scripture" are insignificant.<br />
<br />
And so are women in the LDS church, who are taught-without-being-taught (thanks to decades of studying "scripture") that women are insignificant.<br />
<br />
But Sarah aside, how is it that a Bedouin a few thousand years ago who is all ready to murder his son because he heard a voice tell him to is NOT considered CERTIFIABLE? How is it that a teenager hacking off a rich man's head and dressing up in the dead guy's clothes to steal his stuff (Nephi!) because "God told him to" is a HERO? Or good old Lot ready to hand over his young, virginal daughters to would-be ANGEL RAPISTS is the ONE GUY in all the city who is SAVED?<br />
<br />
I could go on forever about the Old Testament (and may yet in another post), but let's limit this one to JUST the crazy guys who were rewarded for sick, twisted stuff.<br />
<br />
Who is game? Comment with your favorite scriptural nut case who did what they did because God said to, or who did something awful in an attempt to please God. GO. And have fun with it. ;)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-55250846115257823252013-08-02T10:55:00.000-07:002013-08-02T10:55:08.175-07:00"It Just Wasn't Right for You"How many former members have heard a version of the following sentiment expressed by one of their LDS friends? "I'm so glad you've found something that makes you happy, because clearly the Gospel just wasn't right for you."<br />
<br />
I've heard it from a couple of my more liberal LDS friends, one a convert, the other a younger-generation lifer...even though they both know that I haven't "found something that makes me happy". (I've instead discovered what WON'T make me happy, and that, it turns out, is living according to the lies someone else has dictated to me.)<br />
<br />
I appreciate their kindness and respect...but they exhibit just one more example of the flawed thinking of church members.<br />
<br />
Howso?<br />
<br />
Good members of the church with their heads on straight KNOW that the LDS church is the ONE and ONLY TRUE CHURCH. You want to get back to live with (a violent, sick, twisted, exclusive) God? You MUST be a faithful member of the church who has married in the temple and is enduring (in the faith) to the end. <br />
<br />
But I'm done enduring...in more ways than one.<br />
<br />
Which means I'm not going to be hanging out with them in the presence of God. Instead, if I'm lucky and my parents live sinlessly from this point forward, having been baptized in the faith at age 8, I <i>might </i>get to be dragged along by my parents faithfulness into the Celestial Kingdom...but I'll only inhabit the first of the three levels of the kingdom, ostensibly as a genderless ministering angel...to my friends and their spouses, forever breeding to people their created worlds alongside their husbands (and, if they're willing to admit it, their sister-wives who, unlike me, did NOT turn from the true gospel; they just never received an offer of marriage from a worthy temple-attending returned missionary and have been waiting 'til they died to claim a husband as a second/third/tenth wife).<br />
<br />
WOOHOO!!!<br />
<br />
..................(What rhyme with "woo-hoo", starts with an f, and ends with "you"?)<br />
<br />
And yet my friends have concluded that the gospel "wasn't right for me."<br />
<br />
It's supposed to be right for EVERYONE, isn't it? In fact, it's SO right for everyone, Adolf Hitler (and a million + Jews executed by his regime) have been baptized to enable them to inherit the Celestial Kingdom! So if it's right for Hitler, why isn't it right for me?<br />
<br />
Am I worth less than a mass murderer to them, or for that matter? Are they content to see me drink coffee in this life when deep down they know that my coffee drinking - and, you know, denial of the one and only truth - will cause the abolishing of my heavenly genitals, but ultimately I'll still be saved to wait on them hand and foot? Do they believe that certain people are just plain incapable of living the gospel, and God put the gospel on the earth to weed us out, so as much as they "love" me here, they know I can't hang, and they've already dismissed me from the afterlife?<br />
<br />
HAVE THEY EVEN CONSIDERED ANY OF THIS?<br />
<br />
In all likelihood, probably not. It feels good to say "I'm so glad you've found something that makes you happy, because clearly the gospel just wasn't right for you." It feels terrible to say "I'll miss you in the Celestial Kingdom, but there's still a chance you'll be a genderless servant to me, my husband, and our wives." But it feels "worst-est" to say "I refuse to consider that you might be right, and I'm only fooling myself based on the emotional and psychological comfort provided me by the Pineal gland in my brain - and pressures of my friends/family/acquaintances - in 'confirming' the truthfulness of the gospel."<br />
<br />
Yeah, acknowledging that one would <i>suck</i>.<br />
<br />
So they make THEMSELVES feel better by confirming MY decision to be the best one...for ME.<br />
<br />
How horribly sad and deluded. And cultist.<br />
<br />
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...I'm so glad I'm done. And facing reality. And living life to its fullest, my conscience and strength of character dictating how I live and who I become, instead of relying on human directives couched in fairy tale and supernatural terms and credited to a mystical God on whose form and personality no one can agree.<br />
<br />
So maybe they're right after all. That crap? It just wasn't right for me, and I'm finally happy. Hallelujah!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-17068782642033079672013-08-01T21:53:00.000-07:002013-08-01T21:53:42.323-07:00"Rescuing a Wayward Spouse"<span style="font-size: small;">So, if you're not familiar with Meridian Magazine...be grateful. It's an LDS online "thing" with the tagline, "Latter-day Saints Shaping Their World." (Shaping it into <i>what</i>, exactly, is the question.)</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">Yesterday's post was by a man named Larry Barkdull in response to a question he received from some poor anonymous true-believing Mormon with a doubting wife. Find it <a href="http://www.ldsmag.com/article/1/13050" target="_blank">here</a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">I won't bother to explain it, because you can read it for yourself, and at first glance it's not as awful as I expected...but if you view it from the perspective of the doubting spouse, LOOK OUT!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">My favorite part, I must say, was the following: "The lie
that she is living will likely drive her to the point of decision;
either she will admit and abandon it or she will act on it. We pray
that she will abandon it."</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In other words, that honest existence of yours...the one where you worship God your way, have a cup of coffee in the morning, maybe a glass of wine with dinner a couple times a week, where you wear tank tops and shorts in the summer, and think for yourself? Your ideas are, ooh, wait, lemme go back and double-check so I can quote him exactly...they are erroneous. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You, my friend, just like me, are <i>living a lie</i>. (And they pray we'll abandon our lies. Big time.)</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Why do I read this crap, really? To keep up on what others are reading that cause their hearts and thoughts (and missionary drives) to turn to me.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">But some friends of mine had some more amusing things to say about the article. (Note: you'd be AMAZED how wonderful, tight-knit, warm, welcoming, and earnest the Ex-Mormon communities on Facebook really are, bless their blackened apostate hearts!) </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So rather than focus on the article in this post, I'd like to take the opportunity to make you laugh. A little sacrilege is a LOT of fun sometimes. (And really, if you're reading this, you probably won't consider it sacrilegious anyway.) So, here goes...thanks to T-Dub and KayEm. You gents rock.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Let's start with KayEm: </span></span></span><span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[0].[0]">"<b>What would be fun to read is a mirror image of this article. For example: </b></span><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[0].[3]"><b>First
a section directly from the article:</b> "I doubt that her issue is the
Church. People don't casually discard their beliefs and covenants unless
they are dealing with some </span></span><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[0]">deep-seated
issue that they cannot resolve. Your wife seems to be trying
excessively hard to go opposite the gospel, and she is using anti-Mormon
literature as her rationale. I would guess that she has been struggling
with other non-Church issues for some time." </span><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[3]"><b>Now
a mirror image: </b>"I doubt that his issue is the apostasy of his wife.
People don't irrationally adhere to cultish beliefs and covenants unless
they are dealing with self-delusions that they fearfully cling to.
Your husband seems to be trying excessively hard to go super-gospel, and
he is using pro-Mormon literature as his rationale. I would guess that
he has been drinking the kool-aid regarding many Church issues for some
time.""<br /><br />Pro-Mormon literature. I love this guy.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[3]"><br /></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia,palatino; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665823486780975}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[3]">And now T-Dub: (Yes, I had to clean it up...just a little.) "</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2]"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[0].[0]">Dear Clueless Douchebag, </span><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[0].[3]">Yes,
I have the spiritual flu. My human spirit is allergic to lying,
cheating, and pedophilia (and to a lesser extent, megalomania…hey, we
all have our crosses to bear, am I right?). My natu</span></span><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0]"><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[0]">ral
(quote Mosiah 3:19 and I’ll kick your ignorant @$$) reaction to
learning about clandestine marriages to teenagers by a prophet was
nausea, followed by puking my spiritual brains out. Yes, I was sick.
Sick of following a cult-y community of not-quite dodos (I mean, it was
Yale, for crying out loud!). Sick of making excuses for a man that I
wouldn’t make for myself. Sick of justifying homophobia and
institutional racism. </span><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[3]">But,
Dr. Douchebag, I’m happy (quote Alma 41:10 and I’ll drown you in green
jello and piss in the funeral potatoes at your viewing) to report that
I’m all better now. I met the man behind the curtain, and he’s a
diptwit. May your powers of discernment and diagnosis continue to lead
you in the paths of self-righteousness. I will gladly continue down the
path that rocks.</span><br data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[4]" /><br data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[5]" /><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[6]">Sincerely,</span><br data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[7]" /><span data-reactid=".r[4xwls].[1][4][1]{comment665793620117295_665807336782590}.[0].[right].[0].[left].[0].[0].[0][2].[0].[3].[0].[8]">A former flu patient</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
P<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">aths of self-righteousness. Someone get this guy a medal!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">So there's a little bit of sunshine for your day. Now go out and give your spouse a smooch. No matter their waywardness, they probably deserve it.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-27821400147974953152013-07-24T17:58:00.000-07:002013-07-24T17:58:41.257-07:00Sad SocializingsIs "socializings" a word? Eh. Anywho...<br />
<br />
We attended a block party recently. We live in a nice SoCal neighborhood with a large number of really fun folks of all cultures, and - GASP! - we get along beautifully! We even have a Mormon neighbor family just a few houses away...and this isn't Utah.<br />
<br />
Who knew?<br />
<br />
Our family attended most of the day, then took a couple hours off to shower, nap, and recharge so we could head back to hang out from dinnertime on. It was awesome: the perfect piece of Americana. About half an hour before we headed indoors to de-funk, our LDS neighbor and her kids swung by the party, which was in full swing, and made a beeline for us. She looked incredibly uncomfortable amongst the beer-swilling group (none of them drunk or even close to it, by the way), and when she found a (former) ward member, BAM!, she latched on.<br />
<br />
That's all well and good. She's a nice lady, our kids are about the same age, and other than the fact that we no longer share a religion, there was nothing odd about her being friendly with us. (Bless her for not shunning us!)<br />
<br />
But then we had to go, and she quite literally followed me to the door, chatting all the way. When we left we could see her through the window of the home that was "base" looking lost, wandering aimlessly over to where her kids were now playing. We returned later that evening, of course, and guess who was eager to strike up a conversation and stay glued to (specifically my) side? Yup.<br />
<br />
And that made me so incredibly sad. She didn't understand how awkward that was...to everyone around her. Though I'm sure she feels she has tried to befriend people in the neighborhood, and though I'm certain she does her best to ignore the free-flowing booze, occasional swear word, and tank top or bikini, it was clear that SHE felt awkward...which leaves other people feeling awkward.<br />
<br />
It was remarkably painful for me to watch, both because I think she's a really great girl who would make for a wonderful friend and neighbor, and because all I saw in watching her try and fail was MYSELF a couple years back. Me saying hi and then trying to disappear into the background. Me chatting for a minute or two and then heading to the kitchen to help out. Me clinging to ANYONE who even REMOTELY shared my religious beliefs because I could not function among "other" people. (I now see those "other" people as NORMAL, by the way.)<br />
<br />
Whether we like to accept it as fact or not, if you were born and raised Mormon, you tend to view people in one of two ways:<br />
<ol>
<li> A proselyting opportunity/responsibility ("Where much is given, much is required!"), which means you're <i>supposed </i>to strike up a conversation about the church and get whatever stranger with whom you've come in contact to accept your faith so you can thrill over saving their eternal soul.</li>
<li>An automatic judge: <i>Could this person cut it in the church? </i>Could they devote themselves to the TRUE religion and give up the coffee they're drinking? the beer they're ingesting? the cigarette they're smoking? the tattoo they're planning? the tank top they're wearing? the significant other they're living with but not married to? If the answer is yes, it is now your perfect duty to convert them, and if the answer is no, they are not worthy of the truth, and therefore, not worthy of your friendship because they may lead you away from truth.</li>
</ol>
What a sad, sad, sad way to view the human race: by whether or not they might be able to live up to YOUR standards.<br />
<br />
So it IS difficult for Mormons to befriend non-members...especially once your teen years are through, the church is your entire identity, and you don't associate with as many strangers on a day-to-day basis to remind you how to get along with others. Yes, Mormons may be some of the <i>nicest </i>people on the planet...but that doesn't mean they know how to be <i>inclusive </i>of anyone but their own.<br />
<br />
And maybe that's a good thing: it means there are fewer people being duped by the church because the members have already determined that someone won't convert and therefore don't try. WHEW.<br />
<br />
But it still makes me sad. For my LDS neighbor, for my LDS friends, and most especially for myself. Heaven only knows how many wonderful friendships I've missed out on over the years because I just didn't know how to be a good friend...or for that matter, a good member of the human race. I'll never get those years - or those potential friendships - back.<br />
<br />
I just sincerely hope others wake up early enough that they don't have to feel like I do.<br />
<br />
Can I get an "Amen"? ;) Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5314563042192497817.post-29610325008415981352013-06-28T09:54:00.000-07:002013-06-28T09:55:12.882-07:00Coming Out of the ClosetYup, I did it. I came out of the proverbial no-longer-a-Mormon closet...on facebook, of all places. Curious? I thought you might be...but only because I'm nigh unto obsessed with people's "I'm leaving" manifestos. So...enjoy?<br />
<br />
<br />
Friends, <br />
<br />
<br />
While it's likely no great surprise to anyone, it is important
to my sanity to disclose that I'm leaving the Mormon church. Because I
know what this means to members (having been one my whole life!) I
apologize for any emotional upset this may cause...though I cannot
apologize for leaving.<br />
<br />
I realize many will believe they
saw it coming; already I have been told that I left "because I'm a
pothead," because I have a proclivity for sin (as evidenced by my wigs,
shoes, and now my bare shoulders), because I'm lazy in seeking a
testimony, because I've been offended by gossip, or because I "think too
much." To those people, the truth won't matter, but for those to whom
my thoughts and feelings mean something (which I assume is why you're
reading this, and consequently, THANK YOU), I would like to explain my
struggle.<br />
<br />
I was born and raised in the church to convert
parents...which actually made being Mormon pretty easy. My dear parents
have always respected the individuality of their children and allowed us
to be who we were, provided we were good and kind people. I am grateful
for how they raised me, and I think I'm much better off
than some of my peers as a result.<br />
<br />
At almost 8, I
hesitated to be baptized because I hadn't felt a spiritual prompting
about the "truth" of the church. After much counsel, I did as I was
supposed to do, hoping the feeling would come later. At 13, I prayed to
know that the BoM was true and get my promised Moroni 10:4 answer...and
received no reply. I figured Joseph Smith got his revelation at 14, and
should try again then...but we didn't study the BoM in seminary 'til I
was 15, so I waited, read, studied, and prayed. No answer. I tried again
at 18 and 19 at BYU, (two separate BoM classes) and at 21 and 23 (right
before I got temple-married), and hoped my answer would come...but
after going through the temple, I still felt no spiritual confirmation.
But I kept trying! I served as a YW president, Gospel Essentials
teacher, and finally as a Gospel Doctrine teacher for 2 years, hoping
that 20 hours/week studying would prove to God that I was ready to
receive a testimony. Instead, 2 years of studying brought up serious
issues...everything from a sadistic OT God to conflicting NT accounts to
additional conflicts in the BoM, D&C, and Pearl of Great Price. So I
went to CHURCH LITERATURE to find answers...and what I found caused my
doubts to spiral out of control. I had no one to turn to as I watched
the entire foundation of my life unravel...and not because "Satan" had
gotten to me, but because I was finally willing to seek and find truth
<i>instead of confirmation</i> for beliefs I'd been born to.<br />
<br />
Trust
me when I say it was the SINGLE HARDEST THING I've EVER done. Unless
you've been there, you cannot imagine what it is to realize that
everything you had ever been taught and ever believed was NOT true, as
you'd been assured...and worse, that to give it up meant potentially
sacrificing everything and everyone in your life that meant something.
My marriage nearly ended, my children would've been caught in the
middle, I've already had friends turn away from me (because my ENTIRE
social network is LDS), and I've faced the possibility of disappointing
extended family to a point of no return...all while trying to figure out
what IS true.<br />
<br />
See, whether Jesus is the Savior or not, He
said something awesome: that the truth would make us free. I sought the
truth, yearned for it, and - this is key! - I was willing to follow
that truth wherever it led, even if it meant sacrificing everything I
held dear.<br />
<br />
If you were to ask yourself the same question I
asked myself when I began to scrutinize my faith the way I've asked
others to scrutinize theirs in the past - Hypothetically speaking, if my
religion were <i>not </i>true, <i>would I want to know?</i> - I wonder what your
answer would be? It's not as easy as you think. When you're Mormon, it's
your entire world, and in my case, all I'd ever known. It would be SO
MUCH EASIER to "just believe", considering how much I had invested...but
God made me as I am with the brain He's given me, and I couldn't just
shelve it and "have faith." But that meant I had to study and learn and
be willing to accept things I might not like about my faith.<br />
<br />
And
there are lots of things. I won't bother with them - if you're devoted,
they won't matter, and if you're not, you can find a wealth of them on
your own from books <i>on your shelves!</i> - but many really got me
down. I was told the feelings of grief and anger I was experiencing were
Satan, but that wasn't true; in fact, it's what my therapist (because
yes, it's hard enough to leave Mormonism that I need a therapist!) terms
"Adjustment Disorder," and being both mad and sad come with the
territory.<br />
<br />
I was informed the other day that the church is
about to "come out" with some glossed-over talks and essays that deal
with some of the historical and modern issues those of us leaving tend
to have with the church. I confess, I appreciate that; my world might
not have unraveled so quickly had I known that Joseph Smith was both
polygamous and polyandrous, or that the church had the "translated"
pages from the Book of Abraham that actually were simply from the
Egyptian Book of the Dead, or exactly what current church finances
entail, general authority pay, City Creek Mall and all. I hope those talks help other people continue to live happily Mormon if they choose, and that they help others be more educated about the foundation
of their faith so they can make an educated choice about whether or not
to stay. After all, <u><i><b>you don't know what you don't know</b></i></u>. You may think you know everything, but BOY, is it freeing to accept that you don't!!!<br />
<br />
Please
know that I feel no ill will toward the general membership. Many of the
Mormons I know are among the very best people on earth. I may be a bit
angry, but not at you guys...it's at the organization, and I CAN and DO
separate the two. I don't judge you for believing...but I ask that you
do not judge me for leaving. I assure you, pot, wigs, tank tops, coffee,
laziness, and a bit of obnoxious (but sometimes justified!) gossip <i>
really </i>has nothing to do with it. I only seek the truth, and I cannot
find it in the church. It sure would be easier if I could, though!<br />
<br />
So
what am I looking for? Very few people want to engage in conversation
about all this, and I get it, but I'm open to it. I'll try not to vent
on FB anymore, but can't totally guarantee it. (Just hide me!) I
don't need any more Ensign articles to read; they're over-simplified and
frankly insulting. I also don't need to be convinced, or to have you
bear your testimony. I love you, and I appreciate that that shows how
much you love and value me, but I'm well-decided. I haven't removed my
name from the rolls, and don't currently plan to, but again, I'm done.
Don't blame yourself. Don't blame anyone else. This is my choice, and I
make it freely. Please leave my parents be. If you know the gospel, you
know they're hurting and don't need any reminders that I'm "lost", nor
do they need assurances that my free will will be overridden if they
endure faithfully to the end. Just love them.<br />
<br />
And know
that I'm okay. In fact, I'm happy! I know I get angry or sad about all
this sometimes, but that's normal. My world was turned upside down, and
<i>it's okay for me to struggle with that</i>. The reality is, though, that my
life is better and happier and more honest and more free now than it's
ever, ever been, and I have the support of a spectacular husband and
wonderful children, a loving extended family (on both sides!) who
continue to support me, and most of all, I'm being true to truth
wherever I find it, including being flexible enough to change my
understanding of truth when more or greater truth comes along. I'm
learning at the speed of light, and the world seems so infinitely much
more beautiful and marvelous and amazing than it ever has. It's like I'm
a kid in a candy store, and God, if He/She/It is there, has given me
His credit card. ("Hey, check that out! QUANTUM PHYSICS!!! Ooh, and
Buddhism! And...and...plant biology!!!") <br />
<br />
Love to you
all, and if you've stayed with me this long, thank you. I'm good. In
fact, I'm GREAT, and I'm happy and in love with my husband and still
doing my darnedest for my children, and still a moral, ethical human
being with a capacity for love and learning that I've heretofore never
known was possible. Life is beautiful. Thank you for being part of mine.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yup, that's it. That's me. I'm out, I'm done, and I'm relieved. No, I can't imagine what it's like to have to come out of the closet as a homosexual, which must be infinitely harder in many respects, but I imagine it's at least a little bit like coming out as a now-non-member: some will curse you, some will come to your defense, but most just shrug and say "We figured that one out already." In other words, it's QUITE the experience, and I'm glad it's done.<br />
<br />
Does this mean I'm going to tell you my real name? No. I'm getting there, true, but I'm still not ready to be ex'd, so I'm holding off for now...but it's coming. I swear, it's coming. Just hang in there with me a little longer. Love to all, ReginaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1